Yearly round up. Part 4

Ok now here’s the final part of the year in review.

October

First I remember a short but meaningful post about the asshole businessman who wouldn’t move in the line at Safeway and then decided to take a shit right in the middle of the line. Man that stunk and I was pissed.

Then I felt it was time to express my hatred of the “Wooo” let’s party guy. How I hated that guy. How I wanted him to drop dead, and why he could afford to spend hundred a dollars on one night’s partying while I’m constantly watching my budget. I still hate that guy.

Oh and the big event of the fall was the Hepatitis A outbreak from McDonalds. I had to get 2 shots and I still haven’t gone into a McDonalds since. Despite the constant deals they’re offering at that place,, I refuse to go. I refuse to believe that they properly cleaned that place in less then 24 hours; as well, their initial vagueness about the issue, referring to it as a ”nuisance”, until the Health Department issues a warning. NOT COOL.

November

I went off on a couple of rants about people bothering me at lunch about one issue or another. I just was enraged about how people would not leave me alone during my lunch breaks, or that management felt that I should wear a collar with a friggin bell on it so everyone knew where I was. SCREW THAT.

Of course there was the mix-up with the career fair/ sex toy fair and how I ended up in the wrong place, in a tie, and stack of resumes in hand while I stared at the giant penis in the middle of the show floor. I felt like a pervert, going into one of those places ALONE!!

The Golden Compass post did get some great responses, but soon after someone started using Fancy words, and which point I PWND him. I can respect someone with a different point of view, but when you try using fancy language to make yourself look better, that’s when I come after you. All that it does, is make you sound pompous, and for the argument that they’re just trying to communicate, how does it come off as communicating when the other person doesn’t understand what is being communicated? The late Pierre Burton was one of Canada’s great authors, he was an intellectual, but he also knew talking over your audience was not the way to communicate. He proved this in his final television appearance on the Rick Mercer report when he did a video on How to Roll a Joint.

December

In December, the pickings are a little slim due to my traditional Christmas depression, but I will go back those few weeks and look at Talking Jesus Action Figure. I still want a Jesus action figure with a Kung Fu Grip so he can defeat the Cobra Commander and Destro.

Oh and how can I forget the sick pervert who’s flashing his Wang in -20C weather. I hope you froze it off asshole.

Well I can’t say that these last 4 posts were my best of 2007, but they were the some of the most Interesting stuff. Good luck to everyone and have a great 2008.

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Yearly Round Up, Part 3

Ok now here’s part three of the review.

July

I remember hearing about a company that was adding pictures of pornography to their boxes of pizza, thus the name Porno Pizza. Of course there were cries of “the children” even though it was delivery only and you had to be 18 to order. Personally I don’t see a problem with having a little smut with my pizza.

Then I introduced everyone to the HR Lady (who still checked the blog out off and on). I told everyone that she was looking out for me and trying to set me up with someone. As late as last month, she’s been trying to do this, with a nice person in the warehouse. Again, she’s a nice person, but I want a slut. (I’m kidding). HR Lady was also nice to make herself know in the comments.

Then at the end of the month, I went off about the damn beret wearing, pony tailed (you know what’s under a pony’s tail) Jackass I saw of the C-Train, I never said a word to the guy but his existence just pissed me off. I just wanted to beat him within an inch of his life, because at that point in time, he represented sexual intellectuals everywhere. He was a fucking know it all”.

August

I recently confessed about have the power to make people GET IN MY WAY, I remembered how people always feel the need to block me from having access to whatever I’m trying to get at. There could be one other person in a store and they will always be blocking me, but know I know the truth, there’s a conspiracy. It’s like the Truman Show, everyone around me are actors, and they follow me everywhere and videotape my reaction to people blocking my way.

Then there was news that the Chinese government had banned reincarnation without government approval. Who were these assholes trying to fool? Like they had the power to dictate laws from beyond the grave? This was a thousands times worse than when they started to create new laws for Hong Kong before the colony reverted back to Chinese rule. At least a court overturned those laws.

Even now I still loved it when that Dateline NBC reporter got PWNED at DEFCON, when she tried to do a “hidden camera” story about hackers doing “something illegal” with a government agent present. She failed to understand that DEFCON is a hacker convention, and not all hackers are illegal. Some of them are perfectly willing to share their knowledge with law enforcement for use in hunting down people like child predators and “terrorists”, and that’s a good thing, but this reporter didn’t see that and only cared about her fucking story. I’m glad she was pwned.

September

We’ll start the fall off with the “US Americans” who can’t find the US on a world map because they can’t afford maps. My first reaction was to have this woman’s ovaries removed, that way she could no reproduce. Again, this was all part of my peeing in the gene pool theory. We have to stop the stupid people from breeding, and this cute but DUMB person must be stopped. I’m sure that next year there will be an entrance exam to the Mr. South Carolina beauty contest, and anyone using the term, US Americans will be beaten with a crowbar.

Then there was the vibrating accessory to the IPod. I was never sure that if it was a steady vibration, or if it acted like a woofer and gave you a “more interesting experience” with music with loud base. I never did see part 2 of the video because I wouldn’t pay, but I still wish I could see it. So this Christmas no one got an Ipod and a Ohmibod attachment from me.

Of course there was a naughty product for men as well, there was (drumroll plz) WONDERCUM. Now who the hell though that this would be a good name for a product? With a name like that, you’re not going to end up on Wal-mart shelves, but consider what this product is suppose to do, I’m pretty sure your not going to end up there anyway. I mean, a vitamin for increase the amount of ….um you know… a guy shoots? EWWW.

That’s it for part 3. Part 4 will be available tomorrow.

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The Clip of the Week (Ninja Christmas Part 2)

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Yearly Round Up. Part 2

Here we go, part 2 of the year in review.

April

Nova Scotia was up in arms over NBC airing a play off game in the afternoon. The province was so mad that the provincial legislature endorsed a resolution condemning the NHL for this “atrocity”. I guess they couldn’t watch hockey in the afternoon. COME ON!

Then I discovered the “White and Nerdy” Weird Al video on Youtube. They had Donny Osmond in it. The sick part was that it got me addicted to Mine Sweeper for MONTHS. I guess I am white and nerdy.

Then there was the comic book convention where I discovered what I had only heard as rumor in the past. Girls go to comic book conventions, and some of them were dressed up as superheroes and anime characters. I was in HEAVEN. Unfortunately I was unable to attend the Anime Convention that happened at the University later in the year. I would have seen a lot more of women in Cosplay. Now if I could only get a lady to dress up like Princess Kahm from Outlanders.

May

May was a fine time of year because Paris Hilton was IN THE SLAMMER. Sure she only served 23 days (I think), but the photos of her crying in the back of a police cruiser were PRICELESS!!! Now I wonder how long it will take for Britney to end up in The Can.

Then I learned that Oprah said that I should have sex 200 times a year to keep healthy, so with the new year started, I’m a little behind on that count…say 200 times. Arghh.

Then once again, the stupidity of the religious right made multiple appearances, first by stating a kid’s science fair project proved that Evolution is a lie, and then the creation of Creation Museum, because every God fearing person knows that Science and Evolution is a lie. Ok between these people and the people who are following Britney/Paris/Lindsay, were doomed unless God releases another great flood, so we can get rid of these people. Here’s my theory, God is watching down on us and see’s the crap the Religious Right are doing and just shakes his head, covers his face to hide his frustration and tells Jesus to open another case of Tequila..

June

June was a nice time of year and the weather was great, so great that the homosexuals come out (I don’t mean the closet), and had a parade. Now I’ve know the existence of Gay Pride parades and I’m all for the Gay community getting together for a “Gay Bash”. I just wasn’t ready for the float with all the guys in buttless chaps spanking each other. If I had known that it was a gay pride parade, then I would have been prepared. Instead I was expecting a Caribbean festival parade. Whoops. Though the gift of flavored condoms and lube was nice, when was I going to use them?

Then there was the study about how women who had unprotected sex were happier because of a possible chemical in … I remember thinking of doing my own study of that…like that will ever happened.

Lastly on a positive note, I revealed my plan for world domination by selling Anime DVD’s on. Yes I told everyone about Space Station Anime. It’s been 6 months and I’m still evolving the brand, and next month I’m going to start using Google Adwords, as well as a few other Pay Per Click services.

That’s it for part 2. Expect Part 3 on Sunday.

My 2 Bytes.

Yearly Round Up. Part 1

It’s the near end of the year so I’d thought I’d start with my year in review, but this time I’m going to do it a little different. I’m going to look back at MY posts and see what qualifies as the best of, and what’s the worst of. Here goes.

January

I remember starting the year calling Buck Rogers a manwhore. I rented the complete series on Zip.ca and about half the episodes where about Buck “saving the girl” and then “getting some”. I forgot how bad 70’s TV sucked.

There also the apology post where I had the sex dream about someone in my favorite blogs list. I’m still sorry for that, but you were great.

Though the biggest even was my old building being bought and the new owners converting it to condo’s. Those bastards. That got really ugly in the end when I threatened to sue for my damage deposit back.

February

I remember doing a couple of posts about Lisa Marie Nowak, the crazy astronaut who tried to kidnap some other woman because of her jealousy. She was the woman who was so determined that to prevent rest breaks, she wore a diaper on her quest to kidnap this other woman. What really bothered me is that she had it all. She was respected, she had even gone into space and from this day forth, she will always be known as the crazy diaper lady.

I also remember going after the ‘so called’ religious right a couple of time. Once I attacked their believe that the earth was only six thousand years old, and how this thinking was going to up us into a second dark age. Then I stated my disbelief that while other nations were pursuing stem cell research, it was for things like making breast implants seem more real. I just shook my head in shame over that one.

March

It was in March, when I first blogged about the 19 year old woman in Saudi Arabic who was gang raped and the judges sentenced her 90 lashes. How t he whole thing was pathetic, and how that whole country should be ashamed of themselves. In the coming months, her sentence was increased to 200 lashes because it was made public. The outrage heard from around the world did finally get to the Saudi King, when he commuted the sentence. That’s a part of the world I really want to stay clear off, at least until their legal system gets out of the dark ages.

I also saw Idiocracy, that month and I still believe that the movie is a WARNING. SOCIETY IS DOOMED, unless we stop the dumb people from breeding. As well, I saw Jesus Camp and how the religious right are now brainwashing children to the point of wanting to lay their lives down for Jesus, a la suicide bomber. That woman is still a crackpot.

Then there was the Elton John appearance at a music festival in the Caribbean. How Church officials felt that Sir Elton’s presence and even his music would make people want to pursue an “alternative lifestyle”. It was in that post where I’ve confessed that I have never had a craving for cock, even while listening to his music or hanging around gay people.

The last post I want to feature in this part of the recap was the substitute teacher who was found guilty of exposing a classroom of children to a porn storm on a PC. I remember reading how the trial was flawed and the blogosphere and the tech/geek community basically shamed the judge and prosecutor into reconsidering things. I guess the having the attention of the international media made them nervous. In June 07, the conviction was thrown out and new trial was ordered, but at this time, no trial date has been scheduled.

That’s it for part 1. Part 2 will appear tomorrow.

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My Post Christmas Post

Christmas is over. It’s Boxing Day and I’m at work and over my traditional Christmas depression. Yes once again, I spent Christmas alone, depressed and feeling sorry for myself. For the past couple of years I’ve spent my Christmas’s like that, vowing that the next year, things would be different. Again, I am making this vow, but this time, I mean it.

I did some additional work on Space Station Anime over the holiday, and starting in the New Year I’m going to start using Google Adwords, as well as a few other services to get my listed at the first page of Google, under sponsored links, so it’s my hope that I’ll more traffic and more importantly, customers. When the customers start buying stuff, then the plan for Christmas 2008 can go into action.

First, on Christmas day I received a call from my sister and she was telling me that I had to spend Christmas back in Ontario, with the rest of the family. My sister went on about how great it would be for all of us to be back in Sturgeon Falls, (I can’t believe that the town has a Wikipedia Entry) a small town in Northern Ontario. According to her, my parents will be moving back there this year. We shall see about that. (A lot of people have been making assumptions about my parents moving back east.

After the first call, I tried to call my mom and dad, but the line was busy, and I remember someone else I needed to talk to on Christmas day. A good friend, so I called her up. I believed that I called her early enough in the day that she was completely sober. We chatted and she shared things like the fact that a police cruiser followed her grandparents into their driveway (what’s the special ingredients in those brownies grandma?). The important thing was that she shared her wisdom on how I should spend my next Christmas, and dammit, she’s brilliant. Brilliant I tell you. As soon as I heard these ideas, I immediately typed them onto a Word Document for safe keeping, and I’m now going to share these ideas with You!!!!

Plan for Christmas 2008, LEAVE THE COUNTRY. Head to a TROPICAL PARADISE (she told me Hawaii, but any land of Palm Trees, Warm Sun, Beautiful Beaches, and Free Flowing drinks with little umbrellas will do). The important thing that she also mentioned was DON’T BRING FAMILY ALONG. Let them suffer in the snow, back home in Canada. I heard they got some nasty snow back in Ontario during Christmas, My poor friend had to supper through it, but she did seem in good spirits. So next Christmas, I have to spend it in a tropical paradise, surrounded by women in bikini’s, which means I’d better get to work on getting myself in shape.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to dwell on the depressing stuff, because I’m over it and I need to focus on Christmas 2008, so go buy some DVD’s now and help my dream happen

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That just got you on the naughty list

I just read that some woman groped Santa Claus. I’m not sure what she was trying to do, but she’s on the naughty list now, and not the “naughty but nice” list. Apparently this woman parked herself on a Mall Santa’s lap, when she reached down and decided to check on his “Jingle Bells”. What is wrong with some people?

The first thing I’m asking myself is that was she drunk or under the influence of some “substance”? Was she a pervert who was inspired by the movie Bad Santa? Perhaps, she was a freak!!! What kind of person tries to tough Santa Claus that way with kids around?

I’d like to think that stuff like this didn’t happen not to long ago, but I honestly believe that we’re just hearing more of it, because of the Internet. There are a lot of sick people out there, and the last thing we need to see is one of them trying th get on the Nice list, the WRONG WAY.

This is just more proof that my “Peeing in the Gene Pool” theory is right on. I swear that the movie Idiocracy is a warning. It’s a warning from the future, and as long as we have the Santa groping woman around, then we’re in trouble.

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The Clip of the Week (Ask a Ninja Christmas)

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Photo Friday (Christmas Stuff)

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Child's reading my Ass

Get a Cash Advance

So I do this stupid test and I get Elementary School. Just because I write about the Talking Jesus action figure doesn't make my blog Elementary School level reading. I wrote about little gay doggie treats and I still get Elementary School. What do I need to do to get the rating higher, write vagina over and over again?

Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina.

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Gay Dog Treats

I discovered a new snack for dogs. Now I like dogs, I think dogs are great, and I'm all for giving a dog a little treat, but having them shaped like little cocks and balls is not cool. Oh for the record, they're suppose to be “T”, for treat, but you can tell, they failed miserably.

Now I know dogs “lick themselves”. I know some dogs who lick themselves a lot. I use to have a log who would take it one step further, but the last thing I want is to see my dog eating lots of little cocks. Some dog “lick themselves” but they shouldn't be licking each other, or putting phallic objects in their mouths. I don't want my dog in the mall buying leather pants and pink bandanna.

Something else bothers me. What if a dog who eats these thing, walks into their master's bedroom, see him, in the nude, looks at his “deal” and thinks, “that's a big treat” and then CHOMP!!!. It's John Wayne Bobbitt all over again, and how are you going to explain this?. “Umm my dog mistook my deal for one of his doggie treats, and bit it”. Not cool.

Also, their's always that one weird kid who eats the dog snacks. Do you want this kid to be gobbling dick as well? He's got enough problems without the whole Gay thing adding to his misery

So, I ask the people who makes these dog snacks, please change the shape of them, before someone gets hurt.

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Talking Jesus Action Figure

I just read that Wal-Mart in the U.S. has sold out of Talking Jesus Action Figures. I didn’t even know that they sold Talking Jesus Action Figures. Do we need a Talking Jesus Action Figure? At first I thought that these guys should be ashamed of themselves for selling such a product, and exploiting the son of God in that way. Then, the more I thought about it, I thought I wish I had one when I was a kid.

The first thing I thought was, does he have a Kung Fu grip? A talking Jesus with a Kung Fu grip would rock. Then with his Kung Fu grip, he could battle my Chuck Norris Karate Commando Action Figure. Chuck Norris vs. The Jesus? This would be a bigger battle than when Chuck fought Bruce Lee in Return of the Dragon.

Then I thought that Jesus could hang out in the General Lee with Bo and Luke Duke. He could be in the back of the General Lee, preaching to Bo and Luke, while the General jumps over Rosco's police car. He could also be in the back of B.A Van from the A-Team, trying to convince Murdoch that he's not insane, or maybe he could sit shotgun, in Kitt and he and Michael could exchange hair secrets.

Jesus has all the answers since he's the son of God, so he should also be able to help out Scully and Mulder. Mulder is looking for “The Truth” and who else would know the truth other than Jesus.

What would be really cool, is substituting Jesus for other action figures, imagine, reenacting the LightSabre fight in Empire Strikes back and have Jesus play Luke. Having Darth Vader telling Jesus that he was Jesus's father (Ok I'm in BIG TROUBLE NOW). Jesus looking his hand (there goes the Kung Fu grip).

Oh and I'm not the first one who ever thought about stuff like this either, I remember SOMEONE did a blog post about Jesus hanging out with Super Girl and Wonder Woman, so I'm not going to be alone when I burn in hell.

Anyway, the Jesus action figure is sold out, but I hear there are a lot of Moses's left, which is good, because i want one. He would look great in my bathroom. He could “part the waters” of my toilet whenever I flush it.

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The Clip of the Week (It's a whole Damn Show)

Ok this is a long one, but one of my favorite online shows. It's their yearly clip show. Enjoy

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Photo Friday (What's that smell?)

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Sick Bastard

So here’s what happened. I leave work last night, and I see this guy standing at the end of the parking lot, close to where I have to cross to get to the bus stop. Anyway, I’m a “big guy” so I start walking, not really paying attention to the guy until I’m almost past him, and out of the corner of my eye I see something that makes me go, “what the”, but I keep my eyes forward and continue walking, so I cannot confirm what exactly what I say, but I’m 70% sure I saw what I thought I saw. This guy had his “deal” sticking out. (note: I said sticking, and opposed to hanging).

Now I know there are some sickos out here, and the growth of Calgary (no pun intended), has attracted a lot of the …morally challenged to this city, but I would have figured that with the weather being -18 C (0 F), that even a sick bastard, would have enough to not have his “deal” out in the cold. So hear me Mr. Sicko, I hope you get frostbite on “it”

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Dr Cheryl sent me this, and I think it's Appropriate for this time of year

I get this poem every winter & every winter I love re-reading it.

It’s a beautiful poem and very well written.

Thought it might be a comfort to you, it was to me.
ENJOY!

' WINTER '

Fuck!
It's cold!

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The Clip of the Week ( I Love the Onion)

Poll: Mitt Romney Is Candidate Most Voters Want To Get Into Bar Fight With
Onion TV. I love it.

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