Thursday, December 30, 2004

I'm not a prisoner, I'm a free man!!!

I know that my posts have been about me and work but it's been a really hectic week and to make matters worse. I get off work at 10:00pm and I have to be back in at 7:00am? What's the point of going to bed? All I do is work, work, and work. I AM A PERSON AND NOT A RESOURCE TO BE USED AT MY EMPLOYERS WHIM!!!!

I know this isn't going to be much of a post but I'll be honest. This is a call for help. Earlier tonight at work, this guy fell asleep for 2 hours. He was new and I can predict what's going to happen to him. Bye Bye. They tried to wake him more than once but he never woke up. Is this my destiny to have to deal with this crap for the rest of my life? NO!!! I swear not. I am raging against the dying of my light. I will not allow them to turn me into "one of the drones from sector 7G".

Oh and for the record, I am staying up all night because it's not worth sleeping. I'll sleep when I get home. Maybe I'll doze off for 15 minutes or something but that's it.

Now I hope that by Saturday, I'll be back to my old self.

My 2 tired bytes.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

BLAAAA I don't want to go to work

Well I'm going back to work tomorrow for about 2 and a half days and then I get 3 more days off. Big fat hairy deal. I need a major change in my life and I need it now. I need …. something. Getting away from work was nice but I'm not looking forward to going back. I'm not challenged by it anymore and to be honest. It bores me. So I've redoubled my efforts in finding another job. Another career. Another Life ! ! !

Right now I'm looking for work as a tech support person. I figure that it's the best way to get started in the I. T. industry. I've grown to hate programming and my web developing skills are ok, but not fantastic. I need more time to work on both. On the other hand, I'm already "Mr. Tech Support" to a lot of people so I might just as well do it as a career. So if you're an employer in the city of Calgary, send me an e-mail.

Then I gave it some thought, what else do I want to be? Well how about a professional blogger but I realized, how can I make money doing that? Sure I can put banners galore on my blog and I can add a Pay Pal donate button, but that seems so pathetic in my opinion. It's the online version of panhandling and I don't approve of that at all. Perhaps one day in the future I could find a way to Blog for fun AND profit.

I could be a newspaper columnist! Yeah, I know I can. There's this stupid twit who has a daily column in the Calgary Sun named Rick Bell. I swear, everyday his article is nothing but bullshit, its bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I mean, I can write paragraph after paragraph of useless crap as well. Hell. I'm doing it right now and your reading it SUCKER! Actually everyone knows I can be insightful and talk about politics and current events, when I'm not talking about mannequins and "adult toys". I can do it. Someone give that dumb ass his walking papers and I'll get right to work. My first column will be an interview with the "Sunshine Girl" for that day, and the next one will be the next "Sunshine Girl" for the following day and…. . ok I'll hang around city hall to do some real news crap.

I could also be a talk show host! This is even better. I can appear on a local TV channel and interview many exciting people that come to the area (and we get a lot of them). The problem is that most of them are "working" on films at the time or are "trying to get away from it all" so I would be stuck interviewing people like, that Rick Bell jackass or the mayor. MMm maybe I can get some of the Calgary Flames on the show. Ok I'm not going to be Letterman.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I don't want to work at all. I want to enjoy life and I feel that this won't happen while I'm poor. I need to win the lottery and then I can take the time to shoot a documentary on something that interests me. Blogging perhaps, I would try to find bloggers from all over the world and interview them to find out this common bond among bloggers that makes them post their thoughts online. Now If I can get a government grant to shoot the bloody thing.

My 2 bytes.

Monday, December 27, 2004

I really hate Mannequins

I was walking through the mall again today and I noticed the mannequins with all their fashionable clothes and I remembered something. I really hate the damn things. People put them in these stupid poses, wearing new clothes and they usually have that "pissed off" look that models have when they walk down the runway.

Has anyone taken the time to look at the faces of the models when they walk down the runway? Probably not, because everyone is thinking "ohhh what nice clothes, " or "ohhh what a hottie", or even "those clothes suck" but if you were to look at the expression on their faces, you could tell that the models are pissed off at something. Perhaps the guy who tells them to go pinched their asses or something. I don't know. All I know is that models always look pissed off.

So now we have inanimate objects looking pissed off as well. I really need to have dummies wearing nicer clothes than me, not to mention being in better shape than me, giving me a look that says "I'm better than you". I don't need that attitude from a piece of wood. It really got me annoyed when I was walking around and I saw a bench and those friggin dummies were sitting on it. What if an old person needed to sit down but now this person couldn't because of these pieces of wood with nice clothes and that arrogant smirk on their faces were sitting there. When did lumber have priority seating at the mall over humans?

I've always wanted to go into a store with a bat and just beat the crap out of all the mannequins. I can imagine the look on everyone's faces as I walk into the men's department and start smashing them in the face first, and then the mid section until all the body parts were in pieces. I would then go to the women's department and do the same and finally the kids sections. Even the child mannequins looked creepy.

Now everyone is wondering why I have this screw loose when it comes to mannequins so now its confession time. Even as a kid, I never liked the damn things. When I was young, I had this fear that if I got locked into a store and they turned the lights out, that the mannequins would come to life and come after me and then they would turn me into one as well and I would be forced to spend the rest of my life, standing motionless in a department store for the rest of my life. I was a kid and I now know that it was my imagination running wild but I still don't like the things.

Oh yeah, who decided that mannequins should have nipples now? Is it really necessary for mannequins to have them? Why do I need to see a female mannequin in a tight t-shirt with erect nipples? What purpose does it serve? Does it show that the store is cold and a t-shirt isn't enough to wear or are the mannequins sexually aroused now?

Yeah that's it; they're trying to charm someone to stay with them until the lights go out and BAM, just like my fear as a child. Mannequins don't need to have hard nipples.

Next thing you know, your going to have mannequins with cleavage and jiggling implants and men will get arrested for fondling them. ENOUGH with the mannequins, and wipe that smirk of their faces.

My 2 bytes

Sunday, December 26, 2004

The Day After

Well I hit the mall early today to see what Boxing Day sales are out there and I did hit some pay dirt. Picked up 25 blank DVD's for $15, it was a sale on 5 packs for $3 and I picked up five of them. As well I bought a couple of DVD's, I Robot for $13 and Spiderman 2 for $20. Oh and I bough a new game for my PS2. Jak III for $50. That's the thing I really wanted since I'm a huge fan of the Jak and Daxter series. It's a good game series (not to mention funny as hell).

Like most other people, I didn't post on Christmas day but for me it was a different reason. I'm trying very hard to get over this cold that has its hooks inside of me and since I had to work many hours this past week (I was out of sick days) and I needed to rest. I slept through a lot of Christmas day but my body clock was playing havoc with me. I ended up going to bed at 4: 00pm on Christmas Eve and in return, I was up at 4: 00am Christmas day. I tried and tried to fall back to sleep but it turned into my advantage since I saw a friend online and we chatted for a bit.

Yeah so basically I slept and spoke on the phone with some family and good friends yesterday. I'll try to become my normal self and start making smart ass comments and remarks soon enough but for now. Happy Boxing Day ! ! ! ! Now do I own Rocky on DVD?

My 2 bytes

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Cough Cough

'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. Did I mention that I'm sick? I have a good old fashion Canadian cold. I haven't been able to enjoy a good night's sleep for some time. It's either been a plugged nose or coughing fits. And it's frigging annoying.

I've been somewhat lax in my prevention though so it's my fault I guess. First thing; when you feel a cold coming on, you should overdose on as much Vitamin C as possible. Drink lots of Orange juice and take lots of vitamin C tabs (they're yummy anyway). Anyway, I failed to do that and now I'm coughing my ass off. Unfortunately I'm out of sick days at work and we're really busy so I'm not calling in sick.

I admit that I've only been taking "wimpy" cough medicine like some no name day time stuff but I should be drinking Buckley's cough syrup. Now this stuff tastes absolutely awful. Its like pine syrup and smells like it as well. It's really really bad, but it works and works very well. So if you have a cold and are in Canada, pick up some Buckley's but be warned. IT'S AWFUL. Oh it's available in the U. S. from Rite-Aid and Eckerds pharmacies or try to order it from your local pharmacist. I'm telling you this stuff works. I'm going to get some today. No more pissing around with this cold.

For the record, the stuff I was using before was free from work but if you need something good, then I guess I'll have to pay for it. So it's off to the drug store for some Buckley's.

Alright there are two really good cough medicines out there and the second is NyQuil. I love NyQuil but not the gel caps crap. NyQuil in liquid form is great. It works very well and it knocks you out so you do sleep. It comes with a SHOT GLASS for a reason people. Now this stuff has a couple of flavors but I recommend the GREEN DEATH FLAVOR. But don't worry; you won't have time to register the bad taste before you pass out.

Another thing about NyQuil, I usually wake up all wired up (even more than usual if you can believe it) so I'm really fun to be around while I enjoy my post NyQuil high. I guess I'll have to pick up some of that as well.

Well it's the 23rd of December and I guess that I should have something festive on my blog so here are some links.

Santa Taking care of business

Santa and Rudolph

My 2 bytes

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Guess what I got for Christmas

Today at work, everyone received a "gift" package from the company. It comprises of items that are still good but have been return to us the wholesaler for one reason or another. Currently I work for a pharmaceutical wholesaler and most of the items are related in one way or another. Confectionary goods for the front of the store, Health and Beauty products or some other items that we sell. Now many of these gift packages had names on them so they were meant for specific people including myself. Here is a list of what was in my gift box.

1 1.89L Bottle of ABC Liquid Laundry Detergent
1 package of 14 Saran Quick covers for wrapping bowls
1 Box of Huggies Baby Wipes
1 Can of BBQ Pringles
1 Can of Regular Pringles
1 Box of sugar free chocolate chip cookies
1 box of Crest Whitestrips Premium
2 tubes of Aquafresh Toothpaste
1 bottle of Stresstabs Vitamins (someone knows me)
1 can of Edge Shaving Gel
1 Flex toothbrush
18 bags of different "To go" Chocolates
1 black cherry lollipop
1 bag of Lifesavers Gummies

1 box of Tampax Tampons

Now read the last item again of this list. Someone decided that I should receive a box of tampons. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING TO DO WITH A BOX OF TAMPONS! ! ! !

In case no one has figured it out yet. I'm a male (hold on a sec, yep, there still there) I am indeed a man and not a woman. I have the male equipment. I just checked. Its no secret that I live alone and that I'm not in any relationship so why the hell would the people putting these things together decided that I need TAMPONS! ! !

The package includes Shaving Gel. Male shaving Gel for my face when I shave my face in the morning so there are male items in here but why Tampons? What the hell am I going to do with them? Throw them all in a public pool and watch them grow? Carry some around just in case a woman needs one? Yeah if I had a penny for every time a woman asked me for a tampon, I'd be penniless.

I remember as a kid I would watch commercials talking about "feminine protection" and I wondered what they were talking about. All I knew that it had something to do with women playing tennis or riding a bike. For the longest time I thought there was a black market for pink Uzi's. Though I could never figure out what the blue water had to do with guns.

Now I'm starting to wonder. Does someone at work think that I'm a dyke or something? Do I need to start "proving" to people that I'm male? Lord I hope not because I'm sure that it will cost me my job.

Perhaps I should put the box up for sale on Ebay. I wonder how much I could get for it.

Well, I'll probably leave them in the laundry room in my building and I'm sure "someone" will take them. Lord knows I don't need them. I take pleasure in peeing while standing up. Oh in regards to those things are for. I don't want to go through that. I'll pay for dinner every time thank you. I'll open the door and I'll remember to put the seat down. I'll go to the ballet if I have to. I'm just glad that my plumbing is so simple to deal with.

My 2 bytes.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Is it Christmas yet because I need the time off.

As you can imagine, I'm busting my ass at work this week. It seems like everyone else is off enjoying the holiday season except me. I will have to wait until after 3:00pm on the 24th to start being festive. Oh well there is nothing I can do I guess except work all the OT and enjoy that big paycheque when it comes in.

Its confession time again. I won't be spending the holidays with the family (again). They just live too far away for me to travel to, though recently my parents have moved within a day travel of Calgary but a 10 hour drive isn't an option. Well I'll call and chat with my mom and dad but I'll be fine. I'll just stay home and play Grand Theft Auto. Nothing gets me more in the Christmas spirit than stealing cars and picking up hookers *Smirk*

The good news is all the Christmas stuff is taken care of, except I still need to get a haircut, Its getting bad people. I think I lost my keys in hair last night.

My favorite radio station is playing Christmas rock again and I think "Oh Joy". They keep playing "Tears are not enough". It was put together by a group of Canadian artists to raise money for the famine in Africa. It came out in the 80's at the same time as "Do they know its Christmas Time" and "We are the World". I'm convinced that when that song was recorded, it's the only time Anne Murray, Neil Young, and Geddy Lee (FROM RUSH !!!) have ever been in the same room together.

Well this cold won't go away, I keep coughing and waking up at night to blow my nose because I can't breathe. Oh and were talking industrial snot here. I think if I were to leave the tissue in a safe place and wait a million years, a advanced civilation would evolve from my snot. Its that bad.

I'm of to work. I hope not to cough up a lung today so take care and "G'day"

My 2 bytes

Monday, December 20, 2004

Canadian Version of the 12 Days of Christmas

Alright since this blog is called "Tales from the Great White North" I feel that I should show a little Canadian culture Eh! So here are the words to Canadian version of the 12 Days of Christmas

(Rick Moranis / Dave Thomas)
Bob & Doug McKenzie

(B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus)

B: OK, good day. This is our Christmas part of the album. You can
play this
at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if
nothin' else to do.
D: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part.
B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the
part, and we're gonna tell ya what to true love for
D: Look out the window!
B: Where? (chuckle) What are ya doin'?!?
D: Snow, hosehead!
B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's
Christmastime. Hey, hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's a quiz. (chuckle) Quiz for Doug...
D: OK, I have my "thinking took" on.
B: Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause,
figure it
out, right? Christmas is when?
D: Um, the twenty-fifth...
B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right? So..
D: That's two
B: That's two. And, then what's after that? (pause) Boxing Day
D: Wrestling Day
B: Wrestl..get out!
D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four and what's...
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's five. Where do ya get twelve?
D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So,
nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery"
(Music starts)
B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to
someone for Christmas.
D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ.
B: Oh, geez.
D: You start...
B: OK...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A beer.

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: There should be more there, eh?
B: Where? Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Four pounds of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: a tree. See, you need more.

B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Five golden tooks,
D: Four pound of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle necks
B: And a beer...where?
D: (with Bob) In a tree.

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!
D: ..Christmas, my true love gave to me,
C: Six...
D: Six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tooks
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Seven pack of smokes,
C: Nice gift!
D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tooks.
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. Keep forgetting.
D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too
hard for
us! Go, hoser.

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me,
D: Eight comic books
(Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind)
B & D: Seven packs of smokes
Six pack of two-four
B: Five...
C: (catches up) Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
ALL: And a beer...
B & D: On my tree.
B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um...
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve..
(Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in)
ALL: Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon,
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums.
D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too.
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth
day or
the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts...
D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you
buy a
dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the
"Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!
B: Take off!
(As music fades:)
D: Boy, that song was a beauty. moved me.
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven".
D: What?

My 2 bytes

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Vics did it, Brandie did it and now I'm jumping off the bridge as well (See mom, I did jump if everyone else did it)

Like Brandie, I too luv Vics, but I'm not bored

3 Names You Go By:
1. Hey You.
2. Sir (as in you want fries with that)
3. Jackass

3 Screennames You Have:
1. K. Restoule
2. Wagner Depower
3. StarStryke

3 Things You Like About Yourself:
1. I'm a damn Genius
2. I'm funny
3. I'm not judgmental

3 Things You Hate/Dislike About Yourself:
1. My ass beeps when I walk backwards
2. I'm a fat guy
3. I'm lazy.

3 Parts of Your Heritage:
1. English
2. French
3. Ojibway Indian

3 Things That Scare You:
1. Becoming a dumb guy
2. Becoming homeless
3. Scary movies. I never watch them. Why the hell would someone want to make themselves scared anyway?

3 of Your Everyday Essentials (ok, She took this to be websites, so I shall also, but I'd have to say there's far more than 3 I could list here, quite easily)
1. Vics
2. April
3. Brandie

3 Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Green Pants
2. Spiderman Underwear
3. White Sweater

3 of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment):
1. Evanescence
2. Linkin Park
3. Project Orange (There from Quebec, who would have thought they could come up with a artist that didn't sound like Celine Dion

3 of Your Favorite Songs at Present:
1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
2. Open Road - Brian Adams (He's back after all these years)
3. How Crazy are you - Meja (its playing now and I first heard it watching a clip of Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball)

3 New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months:
1. Get a new job
2. Buy a new vehicle
3. Get my passport.

3 Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given):
1. Lots of cuddling. I like to cuddle with someone in front of the TV while watching Star Wars (Ok I'm no Fabio)
2. Trust
3. Mutual Respect

Two Truths and a Lie:Which is the lie? Guess in the Comments.
1. I passed out drunk once and missed out on a foursome.
2. I use to be the "token" straight guy in a bunch of gay and lesbian friends.
3. I've been to every province in Canada and I'm proud of what I seen,

3 Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You:
1. Eyes (They're the gateway into someone's soul)
2. Hair (There something wonderful about women's hair
3. Breasts (I'm a guy, it was expected)

3 Things You Just Can't Do:
1. Snap my fingers
2. Fix anything mechanical (I'm a computer geek, not a grease monkey).
3. Whistle (it sort of sounds like the whine of a jet engine)

3 of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Videogames
2. Blogging
3. Playing Online RPG's

3 Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Win the lottery and buy my life back
2. Something involving a beautiful woman, some lingerie and whipped cream.
3. To get over this damn cold

3 Careers You're Considering:
1. Tech Support
2. System Administrator
3. Running my own cyber store

3 Places You Want to Go on Vacation:
1. UK
2. New York (I haven't been since before 9/11 and I want to pay my respects)
3. Japan (The videogame Mecca)

3 Kids Names:
1.Being a parent scares the hell out of me. Being responsible for a life seems like such responsibility and unless I was friggin rich, I couldn't do it

3 Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Witness a Space Shuttle Launch
2. Meet Donald Trump and say "You're fired"
3. Buy a high rise condo and stand on the balcony, sip some champagne and laugh like a Bond villain as I look over the city

My 2 bytes

Saturday, December 18, 2004

All I wanted was some paper towels

Alright. So I go out to the mall, which is about a ½ block away from my apartment. It's close enough to be convenient but there's another apartment building between my place and the mall so I don't have to stare at the thing when I look outside my window. Then again, the view of the parking lot isn't that great either.

So I go in and with one intention in mind. I want paper towels. I was cleaning my apartment and I ran out so I needed more. Once I'm inside I see people everywhere. It's insane as people are shopping for gift items. So I make my way through the mall to head to the Zellers (A department store chain in Canada) for some paper towels. I wish I had one of those old fashioned sickles to cut down the people in my way. I wanted to scream, "Out of my way dammit. All I want are some paper towels. "

Mistake number 1. I go by the EB Games and I have to go in. I'm a videogame geek and I want to see if there's a used game that I want since the used games are cheaper. Well the place was packed and the used games are in the back of the store. So I make my way in and nothing I can see since the line to the cash goes all the way back to the end of the store! ! ! So I say screw this and leave.

Mistake number 2. I then remember that one of my magazines might be out this past week so I head to the other side of the mall to the Chapters bookstore. I go in and head for the Magazine section and look around and boom. No magazine that I want. Fine.

Mistake number 3. I now remember that Future Shop was having a sale on blank DVD's. A spool of 50 DVD's for $30 so I'm on my way since I'm close to one of them now. It's located across the street from the mall. I've made my way out of the mall and head across the street. Now I'm half a block from the other side of this mall and it's a huge mall. The second largest in western Canada, the only bigger one is West Edmonton Mall and that's the largest in the world. I went in one side looking for paper towels and ended up walking through the whole thing and now I'm across the street

So I make it across the street and into the Future Shop and I can't find the blank DVD's. I find someone to help me and guess what? They are sold out. Big surprise; so I went there for nothing.

Now I go back across the street, back into the mall and go all the way to Zellers. Again I want to start screaming at people to get out of the way. I see a Sikh family getting a picture of Santa with their kid and I wonder "What the? ? " I see a couple of Muslim girls at the Cosmetic counter at The Bay looking at gift bags. Why does the cosmetics counter have to be in the front of the damn store? I really enjoy walking through that to get to men's clothes. Oh and when did Make Up become such a hard science that the people behind the counter have to wear lab coats? Are people now calling 911 for rouge overdoses?

So I make it back to Zellers and into the store. It's packed and I'm annoyed so I head for the paper towels. On the way, I pass by the frozen foods and see some ice cream. I'm fed up and I want some comfort food so I grab some. Then bingo, I find my paper towels and quickly grab them and head for the cash.

Mistake number 4. Now there is a HUGE lineup to get to the cash so I use one of the "seldom" used check out lanes and I'm the second person in line so I think "YES", and then a 5 minutes go by and the guy being served is still yakking about gift certificates. I was at the point where I was going to throw my ice cream at his head when someone else showed up at another cash register and things started to move a bit. However the woman in front of me was yakking about candles and even the cashier didn't want to hear it. She was a native woman and her only goal seemed to be getting people processed and out of the store. Bless her.

So It's my turn and she scans my stuff, while I get my wallet and take out $10 to pay for everything and I say a polite "how are you". She says fine, takes my money and gives me my change. We say goodbye to each other and that was that. It took less than 30 seconds and I was out of the store and on my way home.

Once again people were everywhere. I wished I was Moses at that point. I would raise my hands and the sea of people would part. Though I did made it back to the Sears, out the other side of the store and back to the street without any divine intervention. About half way through the Sears my body decided to send me a message. It's told me "I have some BUSINESS to take care of". Now I'm waiting for the light to change when by body strongly reminds me about the "Business" I need to do. So now I have to debate going back into the mall and finding a washroom or just head home. Both bathrooms are equal distance so I head home.

So 90 minutes later. I'm at home, taking care of my "Business" and all I have to show for it are paper towels and some lousy ice cream. I think I can see Vics point of view on the holidays now

My 2 bytes

Friday, December 17, 2004

Thursday, December 16, 2004

This is taking FOREVER !!!

The good news is that I'm starting to fit into pants that I couldn't fit into before. The bad news is that I'm still fat. Why is this diet thing taking forever? No wonder people go off their diets. I can't eat this crap forever; I want a pizza dammit!

A few days ago, I was going through my closet (Insert your own "Coming out of the closet" joke here), and I found 3 old pair of pants that I haven't worn for awhile because they didn't fit. Well since I hadn't done my laundry last weekend, my options were limited and I thought what the hell. Good news, one fit perfectly, the second didn't fit but the third one did but there were some "complications". The pants did fit but my gut was hanging over the top of my pants and it wasn't pretty. I swear, from the side, it looked like the letter "P", everything was fine below the waste line but above, where the pants ended. I had this overhang which made wearing these pants not an option.

Actually there were some situations where I could have worn these pants now that I think of it; if I was driving a tractor trailer or going to wrestling for example. Then again I do live by myself and I can wear this offending combination around the apartment, as long as I remember not to open the door for ANYONE. I can imagine the look on people's face. I would have to have several days growth on my face and make sure that I have a beer in my hand and the first words would have to be "You got the Pizza?"

I know that weight loss takes time and I have accomplished a lot but I still have more to go and it seems like nothing is happening. It's driving me crazy. Let's just get the damn vacuum and hook it up to my ass already. My face is thinner and my ass has shrunken but enough already. I want this to end. I want to be a normal size already. No more fat guy!!!.

Oh I have learned something about dieting that I should share with you.

(1) Diet food isn't diet food if you eat 20 of them in one sitting.
(2) Slim Fast my ass.
(3) Starving yourself doesn't work, at 12:30 am your willpower ends and it's off to Wendy's because they're open late.
(4) A Taco Salad isn't a Salad people.
(5) Just spread the Mayonnaise on your ass and thighs, eliminate the middle man.

My 2 bytes

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Jibber Jabber and whatever

Ok I'm tired and overworked. Well it seems like it anyway. I'm working my ass off and it seems like I'm just spining my wheels.

My mom has been checking out my blog again. She's been looking at the old posts and she found the fast fact where I mention that she records the Shopping Channel. (Its actually called "The Shopping Channel" here, no QVC or whatever).

I need a haircut and a shave, a cup of coffee and someone to snuggle with.

I think this post is too damn small but I have to go to work. sent me a movie with the Olsen Twins. I didn't know it was them. I just heard Jack Osbourne was in it and I thought I would see if he could act. Only Eugene Levy saves this movie from becoming a total piece of crap.

Finally going to watch Monsters Inc this weekend. It came in from Zip last night.

I need a shower and I have to go to work. Please forgive me for the lame ass post. I'll think of something better to write about, and it won't be able to Hockey Strike. I promise.

My 1/2 byte (this wasn't worth 2 bytes)

(UPDATE: I switched from Outlook Express to Thunderbird 1.0 WOW!!! The ground breaking news keeps on coming)

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I'm not doing it

When I say I'm not going to do something, I mean it. Now your wondering what brought this on? Well here goes. My sister is getting married next summer and apparently there's some lame ass tradition in that part of the country where the oldest male child (that would be me) has to dance with his sister, (the bride) in some stupid pair of socks while people throw money. Well I'm not doing it.

First of all, it's stupid. My mother said that someone else (who I will not name) did it, at his sister's wedding. Well guess what? I'm not him and I'M STILL NOT DOING IT. My mom says it's a local tradition but I'm not from there, this small French Canadian town near the Quebec border, called Sturgeon Falls. Guess What. I'm not really from there. I was born in southern Ontario and spent some of my early years there and then in a small town in north western Ontario named Long Lac. Then when I was 7, I moved out to Alberta and spent 10 years of my life there before I ended up moving back just before I graduated from high school. I'm Albertan, not an Ontarian.

Actually I didn't go back willingly. I was kidnapped and forced to go back kicking and screaming, and to a point, I still haven't completely forgiven them for that. I wanted to stay in Alberta but no…. I had to go and live in that backwater French town for my last year of high school. You know what kind of hell I went through being the "new" guy in a small town high school where everyone knew everyone else from grade 1? It was the loneliest year of my life. I had one friend; ONE FRIGGIN friend that whole year. Oh and to make matters worse, the stupid asses of the Ontario School system decided that I was 3 credits short to graduate from high school that year even though I was ahead of everyone. Their grade 12 math was my grade 11. I was a year ahead in almost every course and they said I was 3 credits short to graduate! ! ! BULLSHIT! ! . I wasted half a year taking bullshit courses to qualify to graduate.

So like I said, I grew up in Alberta, not small town Ontario so I feel no attachment to the area or the local traditions. I barely know any of my relatives, outside of my immediate family. I had very little exposure to them, and that includes my grandparents since I lived thousands of kilometers away from everyone and now I'm suppose to honor these traditions? I'm the only one in my family who doesn't speak French. I forgot my French by grade 3 or 4 since I never used it. My brother and sister learned French since THEY grew up in Sturgeon Falls, but I didn't. Oh another hint. I CAME BACK TO ALBERTA PEOPLE. THIS IS MY HOME ! ! !

Anyway, I think I finally managed to get my mother to understand that I'm not doing it. I hate dancing. I feel like a total twit doing it and I don't want to be stared at by lots of people I barely know and a bunch of people I've never met. Have I mentioned I haven't even met my future brother in law. I know his name is Gus and he prefers to speak French, but other than that? I know next to nothing about him or his family. I'm not going to perform like some side show freak for his half of the family. Again, they could be really nice people and good sports, but since I've never met any of them, I have no way of knowing, but I'M STILL NOT DOING IT. UNDERSTAND! ! !

My 2 bytes.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Being Canadian isn't as easy as it sounds

A little while ago I came across a web page and I thought what the. . . Apparently Americans are disguising themselves as Canadians when they travel outside the U. S. I'm not going to talk about why this is happening; instead I want to discuss how they are going about it. There is a company in the U. S. that is selling clothes with the Canadian flag as well as Canadian patches. Now my thinking is that if you want to disguise yourself as a Canadian, perhaps you should get some advice from a Canadian first.

So now let me talk about an idea I came up with, for the small sum of US$59.99 I will send to you, some "Canadian" clothes as well as my new course, "How to disguise yourself as a Canadian". In this course I will teach things like "Heading to Horton's for a double double" and when you should and shouldn't use "eh! ". Being Canadian isn't as simple as it sounds folks.

Trying to disguise yourself as a Canuck might now be enough so I recommend my course. I can show you how to turn your American trivia into valuable Canadian facts. Are you a big baseball fan? I can turn you into a Blue Jays fan. Be Canadian as you talk about the World Series games of 92 and 93. Talk about American players and yet be Canadian. Talk about Joe Carter, Paul Molitor, Jimmy Key and even Roger Clemens played for the Jays for a couple of seasons. I can show you even more.

Are you a news buff, you can talk about great Canadian reporters like John Roberts of CBS, Peter Jennings, the anchor of ABC news, Morley Safer of 60 Minutes and the list goes on.

A movie buff, how about Mike Myers and Jim Carrey? You can talk about great Canadian programming like Due South, and shows that were shot in Canada like The X-Files, some episodes of Smallville as well as some episodes of The West Wing. How about movies like X-Men, Mystery Alaska and The Fishing News?

As well, my course will include Canadian talk. You'll learn of the importance of Flannel, what a 24 is and why Zellers is a great place to shop.

For an additional US$25.00 I will include a CD of Canadian dialects. Want to speak Newfie? Or perhaps Ontarian even Albertan. This CD will have the information you need to that you can sound Canadian as well.

Oh and for an additional US$20, I'll include your Canadian history. Are you from Toronto, Regina or Calgary? Know local Canadian landmarks in case someone is suspicious of you and think that you're not a true Canadian.

So send me a cheque or money order and I will send you my course as well as some Canadian clothes and patches so you will be in perfect disguise and no one will bother you.

My 2 bytes eh.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Photo Friday

Ho Ho Hoooofffffffffff
Dedicated to Vics, my favorite anti Christmas blogger

Time to face the music and do some answering.

Alright I put this off lone enough. I said I would answer these questions and I will.


Do you drive standard?

Nope, never driven a standard. I'm an automatic sort of person, though I'm sure I could grind gears with the best of them.

Why did you start blogging?

It just seemed like something that I wanted to do. I wanted to have a presence online and here I am.

R U crushing on Vics?


My 2 bytes

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Its sad when this happens

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been watching the local news as they been talking about a newborn’s elephant fight for life at the Calgary Zoo. Young Keemaya was born with an infected umbilical cord and was immediately rejected by its mother. I watched the same footage over and over again of the little elephant as I listened to the news reports about her condition, from bad, to good, to worse now she slipped into a coma and died.

During 3 weeks of Keemaya’s life, vets were there 24/7 to watch over her and support was coming in from all over the word, but one thing bothered me. They never named her until after her death. I don’t know if it was to remain objective and not become too attached to the young elephant, whose odds were 50/50 or for some other reason. I think she should have been named right away. Perhaps knowing that she had a name and an identity might have helped? Some would say that she wouldn’t understand things like that since she was a baby elephant but I wonder. Are we the only species with a sense of identity?

I’m am honestly sadden by the loss of young Keemaya. It’s really sad when you think that she never stood much of a chance and for her to go at this time of year, where people are full of you of the holidays. It’s really sad. God shouldn’t take babies, even baby elephants.

My 2 bytes

Sorry Eh!

I am in no way, anti American. While I do question some of the reasoning behind the decisions that are being made by my neighbor to the south, this does not mean that I am anti-American in any way. I do not see the reasoning behind hating an entire nation and its people simply because of questionable actions from its leader. My last post was an attack on some of the close minded citizens and some people may have interpreted it as an attack on the U. S. in general. This is not the case. I was simply a reply to some stupid comments made by the extreme political right. I apologize if I had offended anyone. (Now get over it).

My 2 bytes

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

John Stewart was right about U.S. Cable news

Alright this has been pissing me off for sometime and I can't let it go. When Bush was in Ottawa, a lot of the U. S. Cable news channels were talking about Canada and some really stupid things were said.

Fox News took some really nice shots at us. Specifically this Coulter person who seems hell bent on offending everyone possible. I'm convinced that there are two of these people because NO ONE PERSON CAN BE THAT STUPID.

I specially enjoyed how, the U. S. allows us to exist here, like they have any choice. How Canada is composed of the worst of the U. S. , Fleeing Tories from the Revolutionary War, Draft Dodgers from Vietnam and so on. I also enjoyed how she spoke about the U. S. could easily invade and take us over, I mean, what is her problem; if the U. S. treats their closest ally like this, no wonder they have so many enemies around the world.

Oh and CNN wasn't much better; having that Carlson person talking about Canadians spending all their time, worrying about their dogsleds. How are we supposed to take CNN seriously when they put him up against Parish, the former Liberal MP who was kicked out of caucus because of her outrageous statement? (Yeah we have nutballs in our halls of government as well), she's an independent now.

Oh I've added links to video of these comments so that I'm not misquoting here.

QuickTime version.

Windows Media.

Article Link

Personally, I don't think that either of these news channels has much creditability left and I feel less desire to watch either of them now. I'll probably stick to watching CBC Newsworld, CTVNewsNet and some BBC World News. Ahh who am I kidding; I'll still watch CNN as well as Fox News, it's finally licensed for distribution in Canada, even though its been available on the Cable service on Parliament Hill for some time. The politicians get to watch it but we didn't. I like seeing different points of view, even if Fox News is extremely right wing. It's a different point of view and I like the see the argument from all sides, though I'm sure that that Coulter wench wouldn't know an informed opinion if it hit her on the head.

On and one other thing that has yet to be said. Canada is a separate country with its own beliefs and morals. We are not, I repeat, we are not the 51st State. We do not have to agree with the U.S. on everything. Oh and if any Americans think that we do? Then you can go fuck yourself eh!

Oh yeah, after seeing this Coulter nutjob in action, I've decided that Michael Moore isn't that bad anymore. Congrats Michael, you moved down to number 3 in my list of all time dumb fucks.

My 2 bytes

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I really like Christmas Movies

You know what my favorite Christmas movie is? It's not something normally associate with the holiday, but this movie does take place during Christmas and there is some Christmas cheer in it. My favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard staring Bruce Willis.

Now everyone is probably saying that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie and I say you're wrong. There's holiday cheer and everyone is thinking about the holidays, but then they're interrupted by Hans and his bunch.

Remember Hans saying "It's Christmas, Theo, it's the time for miracles", or Theo saying "Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except the 4 assholes running standard 2 by 2 formation". Oh it was a little harsh but not as bad as when John dressed the corps up like Santa Claus and let the note "Ho Ho Ho, now I have a machine gun. ".

At the end of the movie everyone is happy (except for the bad guys), like Christmas morning and the spirit of Christmas is felt by all. Ok, that's bullshit, but I still think Die Hard is a great Christmas movie for guys. Oh and if you think about it, Bruce Willis does save Christmas, so there's more holiday cheer

My 2 bytes.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Happy Birthday Mommy

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Mommy
Happy Birthday to you.

Have a great day Mom

Google owns my ass now

I'm come to the realization that everything I do online seems to revolve around Google in one form or another. Everything that I do has a connection to Google in some way, from web searches to e-mail to news to this very blog. Google has growing influence on my online life.

First thing, when I use a search engine, I use Google, but then again, don't we all? Google is a very effective tool for finding what we want online. It has become the search engine of choice. There are even toolbar add ons that put a Google search on it. It's even built into Firefox 1.0.

I'm also a user of GMail and why shouldn't I? After all I get 1 gigabyte of storage. 1 GIGABYTE ! ! ! Before GMail, how much space was everyone else giving? I can assure you that Yahoo Mail and Hotmail were not giving anywhere near that amount of space, but now we see them trying to catch up by offering 250 MB of space. I'll stay with my 1G thank you. (Oh I have a couple of invites if you want one, let me know)

Until recently, I had never really checked out Google News, but now I'm hooked. I haven't looked at any other news site since. Everything I need is on Google News. It's constantly being updated so I get access to the latest stories from news services from all over the world.

Oh this blog is done with Blogger, which is owned by Google. Once again Google has me there. Now only a week ago, Microsoft has started its "Spaces" service but after how long has Blogger been available for free? Again I'm a fan of Google.

It seems to me that Google is doing everything right while everyone else, including Microsoft is playing catch up. I'm now wondering what else Google will have for us in the future. Will we see "The Google Grid" as predicted by that flash movie I linked last week? I'm starting to wonder but for now, I'll just tattoo Google to my ass since they seem to own me, online anyway.

Well in all honestly, I am a consumer and I can choose where I do business, or what services that I choose to use and Google is providing the best service, which are free. So I will continue to use Google services and rub my ass where they put the tattoo "Property of Google".

My 2 bytes

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Post number 100

This is it, post number 100. Woo Hoo. I guess this means that I'm in this for the long haul. This isn't a fad thing that I will get bored with after a few weeks, so congratz to me.

During these past months leading up to post 100, I've had the opportunity to meet some really nice people, via their blogs and later by chatting on AIM or MSN messenger. I've put the tag board on so people could leave messages without the hassle of dealing with Bloggers comment system, and then I ended up switching to Haloscan so everyone could easily leave a comment. I've felt that I managed to find a new bunch of friends from around North America and beyond.

I've talked about many subjects from personal issues to predictions of the future, and these all have been my thoughts. I've gotten advice from other people about some items and gotten different points of view on different subjects.

My blog itself has changed from the generic look it had in the begining to the present look now. You've heard me rant about screen resolution issues. Oh how it drove me insane.

I don't want to do the thank you thing to everyone because it seems hooky and you know who you are. Anyway, my mind has drawn a blank so I'm going to say, until the next 100 and beyond, I hope to enjoy your company as I hope that you have enjoyed mine.

My 2 bytes

Saturday, December 04, 2004

I was asked to post this and I liked it so there

A: First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

B: I want everyone [please please please??] who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want and I shall answer. [But I never said I was going to answr truthfully though. :) Depends.]

C: Then I want you to go to your journal[blog], copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything. [If you want. Really, I could care less.]

My 2 bytes

Friday, December 03, 2004

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Were in a crisis here

A call for help is being sent around the world. Help Canada, we have a desperate shortage here. We need more strippers to come to Canada.

I just read this on CTV' s website and I could not believe it. Apparently we have a Stripper Shortage in Canada and we need to have them come from other countries. Oh and when did Romania become the stripping capital of the world?

This started when Immigration Minister Judy Sgro had a temporary residence permit issued to a woman who helped with her campaign. Needless to say there was this buzz about ethics violations and now the Immigration Minister has closed that loophole that allowed the Stripper into Canada.

As I read this news article I was wondering what the heck was going on. Last year, nearly 700 work permits were issued to strippers, so they could dance in Canada. Oh and why Romania? Apparently most of the permits were issued to Romanians. I have to do some research on that. Is Romania home to a prestigious stripper school or something?

The good news is that this loophole will be closed and we will no longer have this influx, taking good stripping jobs away from Canadians (Canadian girls rock). The bad news is that Canadian strippers are not giving lap dances according to Industry critics so we need more Romanians (apparently they do).

Now who the hell is an industry critic for the Exotic Dancer industry? Some drunken guy who's sitting at the drool bar screaming "Take it off? " Hell, I can be an industry critic. I'll head down to the nudie bar, drink six (Molson) Canadians (it's a beer) and I too can be a critic for the Exotic Dancer industry.

Oh on a side note, there is a lot of work and skill to become an exotic dancer. You need a lot of upper body strength to work the "pole". (The Stripper Pole, you perverts. Get your head out of the gutter) and you need to know how to dance, (some do dance). I heard of a Canadian stripper who used to be an Olympic gymnast, but I have no details

Now back to this lap dance thing. Does this mean that Canadian strippers have too much self esteem to grind their behinds on the laps of Canadian males? I actually hope so. I hope that they have a lot of self esteem, make good money doing this job and enjoy the benefits of their success. I know they're strippers but even strippers deserve to feel pride in their work (Ok maybe they enjoy being naked in front of a bunch of drunken strange men, who knows)

Anyway this is it for my latest sex related post and I away Kati's comment about my obsession over sex, but until recently, the Department of Immigration had to ask these same questions.

My 2 bytes

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Media Tomorrow

Note: Click here before reading on

I'm going to assume (Yes I know what happens when you do, but too bad) that you took the time to watch the flash movie. I've always been interested in the media, from Television to Print, to the Internet. Communications has always been the one thing that makes out world even possible. Its the most important thing ever. How can we share ideas (or even the word of God) without communicating. Today we have many ways to communicate and some of use are always able to be reached. We carry our cell phones which can also send text messages and e-mail. Some are also camera phones and they send images to anyone, anywhere.

Recently there have been news reports about how bloggers have been an influence on traditional news organizations, and how we get out information. From bloggers being invited to the two conventions in the U.S. to determine who was going to run for president, to bloggers disproving a news report on CBS news, we are becoming an important factor in the media. We have become content providers as well as consumers.

The flash movie talks of a world where we the blogger are the source of news stories. The traditional media is gone and it is us that informs the world. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. There are some blogs that talk about some very interesting things (like this blog from this woman living in Iraq) and then there's my take on the adult toy industry. What I wrote is not news, its me being a smart ass.

What really bothered me is that people getting news will hae to rely on their internet connections and what about the poor who cannot afford access? Now were going to have a "haves and have nots" society for news and information? I have a real problem with that. Today newspapers are inexpensive and usually can be found for free, left by someone somethere, or can be read in the pubic library but if we live in the this world where information is all online, then were going to have a serious problem. Information should be free for all, not only for people who can afford online access.

I don't have too much else to say except that I was both fascinated by the ideas and predictions from what I saw and I hope that some things come to past and others do not.

My 2 bytes