Thursday, December 16, 2004

This is taking FOREVER !!!

The good news is that I'm starting to fit into pants that I couldn't fit into before. The bad news is that I'm still fat. Why is this diet thing taking forever? No wonder people go off their diets. I can't eat this crap forever; I want a pizza dammit!

A few days ago, I was going through my closet (Insert your own "Coming out of the closet" joke here), and I found 3 old pair of pants that I haven't worn for awhile because they didn't fit. Well since I hadn't done my laundry last weekend, my options were limited and I thought what the hell. Good news, one fit perfectly, the second didn't fit but the third one did but there were some "complications". The pants did fit but my gut was hanging over the top of my pants and it wasn't pretty. I swear, from the side, it looked like the letter "P", everything was fine below the waste line but above, where the pants ended. I had this overhang which made wearing these pants not an option.

Actually there were some situations where I could have worn these pants now that I think of it; if I was driving a tractor trailer or going to wrestling for example. Then again I do live by myself and I can wear this offending combination around the apartment, as long as I remember not to open the door for ANYONE. I can imagine the look on people's face. I would have to have several days growth on my face and make sure that I have a beer in my hand and the first words would have to be "You got the Pizza?"

I know that weight loss takes time and I have accomplished a lot but I still have more to go and it seems like nothing is happening. It's driving me crazy. Let's just get the damn vacuum and hook it up to my ass already. My face is thinner and my ass has shrunken but enough already. I want this to end. I want to be a normal size already. No more fat guy!!!.

Oh I have learned something about dieting that I should share with you.

(1) Diet food isn't diet food if you eat 20 of them in one sitting.
(2) Slim Fast my ass.
(3) Starving yourself doesn't work, at 12:30 am your willpower ends and it's off to Wendy's because they're open late.
(4) A Taco Salad isn't a Salad people.
(5) Just spread the Mayonnaise on your ass and thighs, eliminate the middle man.

My 2 bytes

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