All I wanted was some paper towels

Alright. So I go out to the mall, which is about a ½ block away from my apartment. It's close enough to be convenient but there's another apartment building between my place and the mall so I don't have to stare at the thing when I look outside my window. Then again, the view of the parking lot isn't that great either.

So I go in and with one intention in mind. I want paper towels. I was cleaning my apartment and I ran out so I needed more. Once I'm inside I see people everywhere. It's insane as people are shopping for gift items. So I make my way through the mall to head to the Zellers (A department store chain in Canada) for some paper towels. I wish I had one of those old fashioned sickles to cut down the people in my way. I wanted to scream, "Out of my way dammit. All I want are some paper towels. "

Mistake number 1. I go by the EB Games and I have to go in. I'm a videogame geek and I want to see if there's a used game that I want since the used games are cheaper. Well the place was packed and the used games are in the back of the store. So I make my way in and nothing I can see since the line to the cash goes all the way back to the end of the store! ! ! So I say screw this and leave.

Mistake number 2. I then remember that one of my magazines might be out this past week so I head to the other side of the mall to the Chapters bookstore. I go in and head for the Magazine section and look around and boom. No magazine that I want. Fine.

Mistake number 3. I now remember that Future Shop was having a sale on blank DVD's. A spool of 50 DVD's for $30 so I'm on my way since I'm close to one of them now. It's located across the street from the mall. I've made my way out of the mall and head across the street. Now I'm half a block from the other side of this mall and it's a huge mall. The second largest in western Canada, the only bigger one is West Edmonton Mall and that's the largest in the world. I went in one side looking for paper towels and ended up walking through the whole thing and now I'm across the street

So I make it across the street and into the Future Shop and I can't find the blank DVD's. I find someone to help me and guess what? They are sold out. Big surprise; so I went there for nothing.

Now I go back across the street, back into the mall and go all the way to Zellers. Again I want to start screaming at people to get out of the way. I see a Sikh family getting a picture of Santa with their kid and I wonder "What the? ? " I see a couple of Muslim girls at the Cosmetic counter at The Bay looking at gift bags. Why does the cosmetics counter have to be in the front of the damn store? I really enjoy walking through that to get to men's clothes. Oh and when did Make Up become such a hard science that the people behind the counter have to wear lab coats? Are people now calling 911 for rouge overdoses?

So I make it back to Zellers and into the store. It's packed and I'm annoyed so I head for the paper towels. On the way, I pass by the frozen foods and see some ice cream. I'm fed up and I want some comfort food so I grab some. Then bingo, I find my paper towels and quickly grab them and head for the cash.

Mistake number 4. Now there is a HUGE lineup to get to the cash so I use one of the "seldom" used check out lanes and I'm the second person in line so I think "YES", and then a 5 minutes go by and the guy being served is still yakking about gift certificates. I was at the point where I was going to throw my ice cream at his head when someone else showed up at another cash register and things started to move a bit. However the woman in front of me was yakking about candles and even the cashier didn't want to hear it. She was a native woman and her only goal seemed to be getting people processed and out of the store. Bless her.

So It's my turn and she scans my stuff, while I get my wallet and take out $10 to pay for everything and I say a polite "how are you". She says fine, takes my money and gives me my change. We say goodbye to each other and that was that. It took less than 30 seconds and I was out of the store and on my way home.

Once again people were everywhere. I wished I was Moses at that point. I would raise my hands and the sea of people would part. Though I did made it back to the Sears, out the other side of the store and back to the street without any divine intervention. About half way through the Sears my body decided to send me a message. It's told me "I have some BUSINESS to take care of". Now I'm waiting for the light to change when by body strongly reminds me about the "Business" I need to do. So now I have to debate going back into the mall and finding a washroom or just head home. Both bathrooms are equal distance so I head home.

So 90 minutes later. I'm at home, taking care of my "Business" and all I have to show for it are paper towels and some lousy ice cream. I think I can see Vics point of view on the holidays now

My 2 bytes