Being Canadian isn't as easy as it sounds

A little while ago I came across a web page and I thought what the. . . Apparently Americans are disguising themselves as Canadians when they travel outside the U. S. I'm not going to talk about why this is happening; instead I want to discuss how they are going about it. There is a company in the U. S. that is selling clothes with the Canadian flag as well as Canadian patches. Now my thinking is that if you want to disguise yourself as a Canadian, perhaps you should get some advice from a Canadian first.

So now let me talk about an idea I came up with, for the small sum of US$59.99 I will send to you, some "Canadian" clothes as well as my new course, "How to disguise yourself as a Canadian". In this course I will teach things like "Heading to Horton's for a double double" and when you should and shouldn't use "eh! ". Being Canadian isn't as simple as it sounds folks.

Trying to disguise yourself as a Canuck might now be enough so I recommend my course. I can show you how to turn your American trivia into valuable Canadian facts. Are you a big baseball fan? I can turn you into a Blue Jays fan. Be Canadian as you talk about the World Series games of 92 and 93. Talk about American players and yet be Canadian. Talk about Joe Carter, Paul Molitor, Jimmy Key and even Roger Clemens played for the Jays for a couple of seasons. I can show you even more.

Are you a news buff, you can talk about great Canadian reporters like John Roberts of CBS, Peter Jennings, the anchor of ABC news, Morley Safer of 60 Minutes and the list goes on.

A movie buff, how about Mike Myers and Jim Carrey? You can talk about great Canadian programming like Due South, and shows that were shot in Canada like The X-Files, some episodes of Smallville as well as some episodes of The West Wing. How about movies like X-Men, Mystery Alaska and The Fishing News?

As well, my course will include Canadian talk. You'll learn of the importance of Flannel, what a 24 is and why Zellers is a great place to shop.

For an additional US$25.00 I will include a CD of Canadian dialects. Want to speak Newfie? Or perhaps Ontarian even Albertan. This CD will have the information you need to that you can sound Canadian as well.

Oh and for an additional US$20, I'll include your Canadian history. Are you from Toronto, Regina or Calgary? Know local Canadian landmarks in case someone is suspicious of you and think that you're not a true Canadian.

So send me a cheque or money order and I will send you my course as well as some Canadian clothes and patches so you will be in perfect disguise and no one will bother you.

My 2 bytes eh.