Monday, February 27, 2006

The best EBay auction EVER !!!!

I just saw this and I had to share it with everyone right away. I’ve found the coolest EBay auction ever. Forget the Virgin Mary toast and other crap. You could not bid on a (Drum roll please) Punch in the Face. The winner of this auction wins a punch in the face. This guy claims to be an expert in punching people. What I really like is the fact that you have to also pay this guys travel expenses. So on top of the $10,000+ your going to pay (the auction is that high), you now have to pay his travel expenses. What a guy.

Actually this gives me an idea. I’m going to do my own auction. YES Folk, you will be bidding for A KICK IN THE BALLS. The winning bidder will get kicked in the balls by me. I may not be an expert ball kicker but I promise to train by kicking random people in the balls until I get it down to a science. I’ll set everyone know when my auction starts.

My 2 bytes.

Canadian TV, my youth and the shock.

I was going to post on the weekend but that would have interfered with my City of Heroes ‘time’. Actually I just ended up playing longer than I planned on both Saturday and Sunday, but I CAN QUIT WHENEVER I WANT. So instead I’ve decided to blog at work (during my break or lunch, HONEST).

So last night I’m playing City of Heroes and I’ve having a conversation with my friend Echo II, then out of the blue, he comments on how she watched Mr. Dressup as a kid. At first I was blown away at how an American could know about this show which was a major part of Canadian culture. Then he admitted that he grew up in Detroit and watched CBC programming from across the river. Oh and he knew about the Friendly Giant as well.

Oh and for the record, Mr. Dressup 'jumped the shark' the day Casy and Finnigan were replaced.

It always amazes me how Canadian TC shows are known all over the world. I still remember being shocked to discover that Vics knew about the Littlest Hobo, another show from my youth. It was cross between Lassie and the Incredible Hulk. Lassie because the main character was a dog who helped people and the Incredible Hulk, because like Bill Bixby, the dog would take off at the end of each episode and hitch a ride with a stranger. Well apparently this show was on in the UK.

Now I know that some shows like SCTV, Red Green, and Due South have aired all over the world, but it’s these small Canadian productions that shock me.

Oh does anyone remember the Beachcombers?

My 2 bytes.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Marketing Bullcrap

The marketing weasels are driving me insane. One February 15th I saw that the Easter crap was already in the stores. Why don’t you just quit pissing around and leave the Christmas crap all year round? Honestly, it really bothers me how all this crap comes out so quickly. How they find a way to commercialize almost every holiday. I’m glad that they haven’t found a way to market Remembrance Day.

I can see the Valentine’s stuff but how the heck did the chocolate eggs get involved in Easter? I know that the Ukrainians would color eggs for the holiday (I don’t know how that tradition started), but where did the bunny come from and where the heck did the Easter cream eggs come from after? I’m just sick of the marketing crap. Everyone has these little displays, trying to make their crap look better than everyone else crap while it’s all crap to begin with.

A personal favorite was a display for Trojan condoms at a drug store. Which was fine but right around the corner was a display for Pepto Bismol. Great, condoms beside something used for diarrhea. I wonder what other kind of marketing miss matches we can find out there. It reminds me of the joke about the guy trying to sell a lawn mover to a man picking up tampons for his wife; his thinking? You’re not going to be doing anything else so you might as well mow the lawn.

I’ve noticed that I’m sort of straining but I’m just writing about whatever and I swear that I won’t see selling this crap for $19.95. Actually I’ve killed the banner since I’m seriously pissed with them and I just found out that Canflix also has an affiliate program so odds are I’m going to put on of their banner up instead. (I am so pissed at Zip for this Threshold stunt).

I guess I’m a slave to it after all but at least I don’t try to force this seasonal crap on everyone. AM I MAKING ANY SENSE OR IS THIS THE BOOZE TALKING?

My 2 bytes.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Student Loan Bullshit

Just when I think I’m getting ahead, I’m apparently not. It’s still depressing to the point that I’m reconsidering selling toast on EBay, Ok this is what happened. I seemed to have a fair bit of extra cash is month so I put it away only to discover that my student loan payment never came out. WHY ARE THEY MESSING WITH MY HEAD LIKE THIS?
So as a result, I made the payment myself.

What really bothers me if that I thought I was ahead. I really did. I thought that I was starting to get some breathing room and I could start putting some money away but NOOOOOOO. Mr. Student Loan people decided that it would be fun to yank my chain around a bit. This has really pissed me off.

It’s not like I spent the money on something like an artificial vagina (just seeing if your paying attention,) or anything like that. I still had the money and as a result, I could make the payment. I was fine. I have the money. They just decided not to withdraw the money. It’s not like my student loan is paid off or anything like that (Oh I wish). I know it still exists and I know that I owe the money so WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE IT. Were you planning to wait a month and call and act like a bunch of assholes and claim that they didn’t get the money? That was it, wasn’t it? Well guess what Student Loan assholes. I caught you and I’m going to continue watching you until I get this debt paid off so until then SCREW YOU.!!!

My 2 bytes.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

What the rest of the world thinks about Canada.

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!!!!!.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday ni ght in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be ab le to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

My 2 bytes

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Quarter Assed Post

I found a free site that does spell checking for all of those times that I dont have access to a decent spell checker and it's a good thing too because my last post was a grammar nightmare.

I choose to blame it on the fact that my heart wasn't quite in it because I was so tired and I felt a little lost but HOLY CRAP. My spelling was AWFUL. So I want to take the time to apologize to everyone for that quarter assed post (It wasn't even good enough to call half assed).

Anyway I've discovered Orangoo to help me with my spelling. It works a lot better than Blogger's spellcheck. Also no logging in and it's free.

Oh yeah, it Valentine's day and since I'm a single male, I thought BIG FRIGGIN WHOOPEE. Though there was an awkward moment where a black man was staring at me while he rubbed one of his nipples (and his name was Delroy). So other than that, I have NOTHING. Perhaps tomorrow I can at leasted halfed ass. Perhaps I'll have something that will entice people to make comments that don't make me grin. !!! I'm a closet pervert and I still find nipples on mannequins interesting.

OH AND WHO IS THE ASSHOLE WHO DECIDED THAT mannequin should have a BLEEPIN Q in it. OK I've decided that the letter Q is the gay letter. It's in Queer and Queen. It's a homosexual letter. It always has to have the letter u beside it. Is the U, Q's longtime companion??? So Q is the gay letter and U is the one who's in the closet.

My 2 bytes

Monday, February 13, 2006

Is Dick Cheney hunting Liberals?

When I first heard about Dick Cheney's little ‘accident’ I had to ask myself, was this really an accident or is this the darker side of Mr. Cheney coming out? Perhaps his mind was taking him to another place. Was he hunting Democrats? Was he hunting Al Qaeda? Was he hunting the guy who put too much starch in his shorts?

What really strange is the guy who was shot isn’t commenting. Is Cheney leaning on him? Did he win some money for surviving the hunt? Is this ‘Surviving the Game” for real? I doubt it.

Honestly I think it more likely played out like this.

My 2 bytes.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Warning. Some Yadda Yadda

I don’t know what to write about so I’m winging it. I saw that the cast of ‘Growing Pains” is on Larry King right now? Right now all hell is breaking loose in regards to that stupid cartoon, George W Bush and Clinton were at Coretta Scott King’s funeral at all CNN has on is some old guy in suspenders talking to the cast of a 80’s family sitcom? WTF ?

Speaking of WTF. Are certain people taking this friggin cartoon a little too seriously? People dying in protests over a stupid cartoon. Is it worth it? All hell is breaking loose and right now Bin Laden is laughing his ass off. I mean, GET OVER IT!!! Get use to the idea of free thinking and different ideas. I believe that one of the key reasons why the old Soviet Union fell was because their form of government didn’t allow for the free flow of ideas and as long as these protesters continue to think the same way, their part of the world will continue to be poor. THERE I SAID IT OK.

I was reading about how Arab Canadians are fearful of a backlash from all these events. As far as no one dies in a protest or there isn’t any violence in the Danish embassy in Ottawa, there isn’t going to be a problem. I would like to believe that the Muslims living in Canada understand our beliefs of Freedoms (even though I know for a FACT that some don’t).

I know this is just some Yadda Yadda, but that’s all I can think of right now.

My 2 bytes  

Monday, February 06, 2006

Definition: Irony

I know it's not Friday but I just couldn't resist posting this pic. I wonder if he understands the irony of his sign. Maybe he does and that's why he's hiding his face.

My 2 bytes

Friday, February 03, 2006

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Porn to go

I’ve decided that I really love Newsvine. It helps me find many different things to talk about. Many blog topics like this.

Porn mags may have distracted motorist. Doesn’t the title say it all? There’s this 33 year old guy looking at smutty pics in a magazine while he was driving. He was so into his porn that he was swerving all over the road and nearly hit a couple of cars, but he wasn’t drinking.

I’m just trying to picture this guy that loved his smut sooo much that he had to read it on the way home, then again, he might not have been heading that way. What if he was on his way to visit his sick grandmother? What if he was going to church? Was this guy so obsessed with these magazines that he couldn’t put them down for a minute?

Ok, I’m a knuckle dragging male, and as a male I have certain….instincts but I have the ability to override these instincts. That’s one reason that I’m human and not a animal but this guy (let’s call him Chip, short for Chimpanzee) was so obsessed with his porn that he had to look at it while driving. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?

Then again, what exactly were these pictures? What was so interesting about these specific magazines that he had to read them while driving? It didn’t say what magazine he was reading while driving but I’m curious now? What was it that compelled him to read while driving. I just pray to God that he was just looking. Because doing THAT while driving is really insane.

One more thing. I SWEAR that not all men are this bad.

My 2 bytes

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I really gotta pee

First off, I found this cool new web service called Newswire. It’s still in Beta and people can only join if they get an invite. So if you want one, let me know. I’m willing to share. It’s basically a site that groups all the news stories from different sources. It also allows you to search by topic, (including Odd News) as well as comment on news stories. There’s even a blog function that allows you to write your own editorials. Again, it’s in Beta and invite only right now, so if you want an invite, let me know.

Oh I also found this today and I thought ‘someone has a screw loose’. I’m talking about the PEE TREE. Now you and your dog and mark your territory at the same time. It’s basically a tree like structure that men pee on and the ‘offensive liquid’ drains away without leaving that pee smell that bar toilets are famous for.

Now I will confess I use to pretend to be ‘putting the fire out’ when I peed but I was EIGHT years old then. I’ve since learned to use the bathroom in a proper manor; unless you want to count that time I was really drunk in Edmonton and peed on a dumpster, BUT I WAS REALLY DRUNK THEN. Civilized men should not be peeing on trees. Civilized men should be peeing in a urinal or a toilet.

Perhaps something thinks that this is suppose to be art but if it is, what are the people peeing on it saying?

My 2 bytes.