A real Canadian Pizza

Yesterday I’m working at the grocery store, putting sales tags on the shelves in the freezer, specifically the frozen pizza’s when I come to the “Canadian” pizza, which happens to be pepperoni, mushrooms, and bacon. I want to know what jackass decided that a Canadian pizza should be just though three ingredients. Whoever they are, they’re no Canadian.

As I thought about this more and more, I just got more annoyed by the idea of some corporate weasel in some office in the U.S. deciding what a Canadian pizza should be, so I’ve decided that I will define what Canadian should be.

First off, we do not limit ourselves to three toppings, Canada is a multicultural country, so we need many toppings to represent our diversity, the more the better; lots of meat, lots of vegetables and lots of cheese, and not just cheddar, but other cheeses including feta. I love feta.

We also need a big crust, no little crusts on this pizza. Canada is a big place and were going to need lots of crust to hold the diversity of all the different types of toppings.

So what some of you are thinking that “big deal, it’s a pizza with everything on it’, but I say. Oh no, were not done here, we’ve just started. This pizza must also come with a DVD of some of the greatest play off hockey games ever. There is one thing that brings all Canadian together, and that’s our hockey. I myself and looking forward to meeting up with some friends on “The Red Mile” soon, as the play offs start. Hockey brings Canadians together, only hockey would bring a Sikh, a Native, a Newfie, a Quebecer and and an Albertan together around a radio listening to the Flames score against the Red Wings. At that point, were just Canadians who love the game.

As well, with the Pizza pack should come a 12 pack of beer. Actually make it a 8 pack and 4 wine coolers, for the ladies who aren’t into beer. After all, if you’re eating pizza, and watching a hockey game, you need something to wash it down with.

There's also something people should know about our alcohol in Canada. It's stronger than the stuff across the border so we need to take some extra precautions. Sue Johanson, one of Canada's great heroes and educators once said that every case of beer should come with 3 condoms, making a case a beer the ultimate party pack, so we'd better include them as well. After all, Canadian are a friendly people.

So I present to you, the Canadian Pizza, with all the needed extra, so people can have a truly Canadian experience.

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Only in Canada

I when I first heard about this, I though “oh man, someone needs some milk, a cookie and a blankie”. Seriously, this is really pathetic, however I get it, and that’s the scary part. The Nova Scotia legislature is mad; really mad so mad that they have decided to put forward a resolution and something horrible. Is this something about the amount of unemployment in the province? Perhaps it’s about a social issue like abused children? Nope, the province is putting forth a resolution about the NHL having game 2 of the Ottawa/Pittsburg series be played in the afternoon instead of at night. Are you shitting me? I know that I’m Canadian and Hockey is “Canada’s Game” and all but COME ON!!! Having a hockey game played in the afternoon instead of the evening is not the end of the world.

Maybe I don’t get it. Perhaps since I live in the west, having an early game isn’t a big deal to me, even though a 3pm EDT means 1pm MDT. Maybe I know that (get ready for it) that’s there’s more to life than just hockey (GASP he said it). Ok before the Canadian Culture police knock on my door, strip me of my citizenship and throw me across the Canada/US border, let me explain. We proved that we could survive a season without hockey, during the 2004/05 NHL lockout. The world did not end in Canada without hockey.

So why is this game being played in the afternoon? So NBC can air the game as well. Yes they are playing the game in the afternoon so the NBC can also air it live in the afternoon, because they know that their audience isn’t a bunch of hockey fanatics and that their audience doesn’t want to watch hockey in prime time (though they may air one of the Stanley Cup finals games in prime time). The NHL is having the game played in the afternoon so our neighbors to the south can watch something other than NASCAR or baseball. Oh and it’s just normal coverage, not like the FOX glowing puck bullshit, so stop complaining.

Again, what’s the problem? Is the problem that they have to start drinking at 4:00pm in Nova Scotia? Arghh, it’s just a game. I’m a Senators fan and the game will be starting at 1:00pm. DEAL WITH IT. It’s not like people are going to riot in the streets over the game, like they do with “football” in Europe. It’s just a game, yes it’s Canada’s game, but it’s still just a game.

My 2 Bytes.

One more thing about Canadian innovation.

I forgot about this since it's so recent (last week). A Canadian company in Vancouver last week did a tech demo for Quantum Computing. Something that wasn't expected to be done for another 50 years.

NAAAA!!

My 2 Bytes

Great Canadian Inventions.

I got a request. Normally I don’t do requests but I feel I have to in order to defend the honor of my country. I received an e-mail from Vics and in it she told me that she and her friends had a discussion about Canada, and was mentioned, my name is known across the pond now. Anyway, the discussion was about things Canada has contributed to world or famous Canadian of noteworthy mention. Basically all they could come up with was Maple Syrup I mean….COME ON!!!! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!!!! However they cannot and they have asked me Canuck Boy to help out, so here goes.

The Telephone: Alexander Graham Bell invented as most people know but he was NOT American. He was Canadian

Insulin: A drug created by Frederick Banting, so diabetics all over the world could now lead a normal life, and manage their disease.

IMAX: A Film resolution that allows for far greater detail in movies.

U.N. Peace Keepers: The idea of Preston B Pearson, when he was Canada’s ambassador to the UN. He would later become one of Canada’s greatest Prime Ministers (They even named the Toronto airport after him).

JAVA The Computer Language: Created by James Gosling back in 1994. The Internet would not be what it is today if it weren’t for this guy and I don’t mean spam.

The Wonderbra: Any garment that promotes cleavage is a GREAT CANADIAN INVENTION (I’m sorry I had to put something like that in to make sure you’re paying attention)

The Blackberry: Created by Canadian Company Research in Motion or RIM for short.

Standard Time: Sandford Fleming came up with the idea of standardized time zones all over the world.

Pacemaker: Invented by Canadian John Hopps

Ski Doo: A vehicle created for traveling in Canadian winters. Invented by Joseph-Armand Bombardier who later create a company that expanded in aerospace, and railway technology.

Honorable Mention.

Instant Mashed Potatoes: Because Canadians wanted their Mashed Potatoes NOW!!!

Basketball: Invented by James Naismith, because sometimes it was too cold to play Hockey.

Superman: Joe Shuster, half of the team that created Superman was Canadian.

Hopefully I have defended Canada’s honor on the world stage by listing some of Canada’s greatest inventions and contribution to the world. Every day I wake up and think “Thank God I live in the country that invented the Wonderbra”

My 2 Bytes.

Halloween was suppose to be fun

Here’s my HUGE pet peeve about Halloween in Canada. I remember as a kid watch the Halloween cartoon specials on TV and it would be fall weather but when I looked out the window, there would be a foot of snow on the ground. Charlie Brown never had to trick or treat in the snow. What’s the deal with that?

The worse part was the fact that because of the cold and the snow, I had to trick or treat wear my winter coat over my costume. How the hell was anyone supposes know what I was supposed to be with my coat on? So basically you’re wearing that cheap mask and your coat, knocking on doors demanding candy from people. Oh top of that, that stupid mask would only last for 10 minutes before the rubber ban would break and you ended up trick or treating without the mask and your winter coat covering your costume. Halloween sucked big time.

Then you end up at a house where some smart ass would ask for a trick. So I’d be thinking “My mask is broken, I’m wearing my winter coat over my costume and you want a trick. BEND OVER I’LL SHOVE MY BROEKN MASK UP YOUR ASS. HOW’S THAT FOR A TRICK FOR YOU BITCH!!!”

Needless to say, I had some anger management issues as a kid.

So I’ve discovered the perfect Halloween costume for a kid in Canada; a hockey player. It’s warm enough so you don’t have wear a coat and if someone starts asking for a trick, you whack him in the face with the hockey stick.

Happy Halloween

And My 2 Bytes.