A real Canadian Pizza

Yesterday I’m working at the grocery store, putting sales tags on the shelves in the freezer, specifically the frozen pizza’s when I come to the “Canadian” pizza, which happens to be pepperoni, mushrooms, and bacon. I want to know what jackass decided that a Canadian pizza should be just though three ingredients. Whoever they are, they’re no Canadian.

As I thought about this more and more, I just got more annoyed by the idea of some corporate weasel in some office in the U.S. deciding what a Canadian pizza should be, so I’ve decided that I will define what Canadian should be.

First off, we do not limit ourselves to three toppings, Canada is a multicultural country, so we need many toppings to represent our diversity, the more the better; lots of meat, lots of vegetables and lots of cheese, and not just cheddar, but other cheeses including feta. I love feta.

We also need a big crust, no little crusts on this pizza. Canada is a big place and were going to need lots of crust to hold the diversity of all the different types of toppings.

So what some of you are thinking that “big deal, it’s a pizza with everything on it’, but I say. Oh no, were not done here, we’ve just started. This pizza must also come with a DVD of some of the greatest play off hockey games ever. There is one thing that brings all Canadian together, and that’s our hockey. I myself and looking forward to meeting up with some friends on “The Red Mile” soon, as the play offs start. Hockey brings Canadians together, only hockey would bring a Sikh, a Native, a Newfie, a Quebecer and and an Albertan together around a radio listening to the Flames score against the Red Wings. At that point, were just Canadians who love the game.

As well, with the Pizza pack should come a 12 pack of beer. Actually make it a 8 pack and 4 wine coolers, for the ladies who aren’t into beer. After all, if you’re eating pizza, and watching a hockey game, you need something to wash it down with.

There's also something people should know about our alcohol in Canada. It's stronger than the stuff across the border so we need to take some extra precautions. Sue Johanson, one of Canada's great heroes and educators once said that every case of beer should come with 3 condoms, making a case a beer the ultimate party pack, so we'd better include them as well. After all, Canadian are a friendly people.

So I present to you, the Canadian Pizza, with all the needed extra, so people can have a truly Canadian experience.

My 2 Bytes

Why didn't i think of that?

There’s this guy in Winnipeg, He’s a real entrepreneur. He’s a really smart guy. He’s had combined two of my favorite things into a great business idea. Pizza and pornography (oh maybe not my absolute FAVORITE things). This guy has set up a delivery-only Pizza business called Porno Pizza. How this works is quite simple; on the bottom of the box, where there’s usually a piece of cardboard, now sits a pornographic image. Oh and you need to be years or older to order from this place.

From what I hear, the images can range in “substance” from Playboy-like to some really nasty stuff. After reading the article, I learned that the vast majority of his customers are women. So women are ordering the nasty pizzas. I’ve always known that women were closet perverts. Either that or Winnipeg has a high Lesbian population.

Once of my theory is that they are messing around with their boyfriends heads. A guy grabs a slice, and then sees part of the image and says “I didn’t order beaver with this pizza”, or suddenly discovering that the pizza came with “extra sausage”.

Of course there are some sour people out there saying that “Children will be exposed to the pornography” and “It’s sinful and wrong”. All I can say about this is that people can always order pizza from somewhere else and these days children can find porn on the Internet so easily, so I’m not buying their arguments. I just think they have lousy lovers and if they can’t enjoy sex then they don’t want anyone else to enjoy it either. That’s just a theory though.

If you really think about it, this business is just a new take on the classic bit when the pizza guy ends up delivering more than just the pizza. You know, the women answers the door and the guy says, here’s you pizza and here’s you pepperoni, and then the cheesy music starts. So there always has been a connection between pizza and smut.

My 2 Bytes.