I'm not "into" park benches

I’ve just realized that I haven’t written anything strange and perverted for sometime, and I think I’ve overdue, so you’ve been warned.

As a male, I understand the “urges” that we get. When you’re younger, these urges are stronger and stranger. I’ve remember having some of these nasty urges but I never (1), actually acted on any of these urges, (2) tried to have sex with a park bench. However I cannot say the same for this guy. Now I know there are some really strange people out there (and I’m not exactly normal myself), but it takes a special person to want to have sex with a park bench; a metal park bench.

So it appears that this guy was enjoying himself, so much so, that he became even more aroused. So aroused, that he became stuck inside one of the holes that he was using to please himself. I’m not sure how long he tried to solve himself, but eventually he did call the police for help. Oh did I mention that this was happening in a pubic park?

So the police show up, as well as EMS, and after many attempts to remove him from the bench, they have to take the bench apart, and bring him, and the bench to the hospital. There they managed to remove him from the bench. Also the doctors said that if he had waited longer, he probably would have lost his “buddy”.

Now, how hard up does a guy have to be in order the want to have sex with a bench? I’ve heard of different types of sexual preferences, but I’ve never met a parkbenchsexual. Now I can see a few benefits of being a parkbenchsexual. The dating pool is fairly open, and there’s no long term commitment if you want to “get it on”. Heck, you don’t even have to buy the bench dinner. Just drop your pants, and away you go. The problem is that he needs to settle one with one park bench, so that they’re comfortable with each other. That way there’s less likely to be an incident like that.

This also reminds me of s skit from The Onion Movie, where a guy gets his penis stuck in a mail slot. This then turns into a commercial where we have a guy saying “Have you ever gotten your penis stuck in a mailbox”, and they go on to talk about their service. They specialize in getting men’s penis’s stuck, and been doing it for many years.

Personally, I plan to “keep it in my pants”, no matter how hot that Ikea furniture looks.

My 2 Bytes.

What's wrong with you !!!

It’s crap like this that really pisses me off. Now I’m a hockey fan, like many Canadians, and I’m a Flames fan like many Calgarians, and I’m into the whole Flames vs Oilers rivalry, BUT I would never ever condone beating some guy unconscious simply because he was wearing an Oilers fan and wearing an Oilers Jersey. That’s way over the line.

Now I’ve kidded with many online friends across the border about how we Canadians are a laid back people, but if you mess with our hockey team’ we’ll kick your ass, but that was just mean as a joke about how passionate we are about our teams. No one should actually hurt someone. Sure, say that they suck, but don’t actually hit them.

I took my time and read the story, and again, the guy did get a little lippy and he did have a few, but there’s no reason to beat him over it. I read that it was a bunch of early 20’s guys who came out of a Mercedes Benz, and I’ll bet any money that the car belonged to the driver’s parents. So the guy was beaten by a group of 5 spoiled rotten rich boys. Oh, they got the license plate of the car so there will be some arrests.

What I want to know is what is wrong with these people. I’ve seen many of these dumb ass groups who think that the world owes them everything because their daddies have a lot of money, and unfortunately, we have a lot of those types here. I look forward to hearing about these guys getting charged, cuffed and thrown into a jail cell.

So Mr. Oilers fan. I swear that, were not all like that. Sorry about your experience.

My 2 Bytes

Paris going to Jail? That's Hot.

It’s Monday and that’s supposed to mean something, right? I’m not sure what it means, I just know that I have a nasty headache that will not go away, no matter how much drugs I take. I think I now what marriage is like. (Just Kidding).

I know I should have blogged about this last week, but there were some things going on and needless to say, I’m a little behind on current events. There is some good news though that needs to be blogged about. Paris Hilton is going to the Grey Bar Hotel. She’s going to The Can. She’s going to Jail!!! Now I normally, I would never take pleasure at the misfortunes of others but this time I’ll make an exception. Lock her up.

The reason that I’m being so cruel and heartless is because I think this little experience will help “little miss party girl” to finally grow up. This girl has had everything handed to her on a silver platter. Ever since she was in diapers, she has had people waiting on her on hand and foot. Even appearing on that lame ass train wreck of a reality show didn’t teach her any responsibility. She just laughed and goofed off and received her cheque.

Now, she going to learn, the hard way, that life does not revolve around her ass. She’s going into the can and she’s going to do some HARD TIME. We’ll actually, she’s probably just going to have to sit in a jail cell, wearing *GASP* prison coveralls. No designer clothes for Paris. No fancy meals for Paris. No freaky little dog for Paris. No makeup for Paris. No partying for Paris. What will Paris do? Paris will get her publicist to write a letter to the Governator asking for her not to be sent to jail.

I seriously doubt that Arnold will give her a pardon, because he doesn’t like “The flabby, lazy people”. Actually if Arnold were to give Paris a pardon, it would probably be with the condition that she has to train him with Governator for the 45 days. I can just picture Arnold yelling at poor little paris as she tries to lift some dumb bells as Arnold yells “COME ON. LOOK AT YOU FLABBY ARMS. PUMP YOUR ARMS UP.” Then Arnold would go to get some water after he says “I’ll be back”.

Honestly, I just want this girl to learn some sort of responsibility and spending 45 days in jail just might teach her that there are consequences to her actions. Though somehow I doubt she will. That girl has two skills, acting like an irresponsible bimbo and …you need to go online to find the second skill, but I’m sure you guessed it already.

The thing I find really funny that there are two petitions out there. One of them is to keep Paris out of jail and the second is to get rid of her for good. Guess which one I signed.

My 2 bytes

Idiocracy

I believed that I have talked about my “Peeing in the Genepool” theory and how people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. Now I have never stopped to consider the implications in the future, but after seeing Idiocracy, I think it’s time to get nervous. This buried treasure that was written and directed by Mike Judge (also directed Office Space and the creator of Beavis and Butthead), shows us what will probably happen in the future. I heard about this movie on a TWIT podcast. Apparently this was a movie that 20^th Century Fox didn’t want to promote for whatever reason. The basic premise of this movie is someone is put in hibernation for 500 years and when they wake up, they discover that the world is filled with stupid people. I don’t want to give any of it away, but it’s really good.

One concern I have is that this movie might actually be a snapshot into our future. A world where the dumb people kept breeding and the smart ones stopped. As a result, the dumb people take over the world. We’re seeing this happening in the U.S. right now. George W Bush is not a smart man. Just check out Great Moments in Presidential Speeches to find out.

I know I’m not the only one out there who see’s the stupid people breeding. Smart people feel that they don’t want children (and it’s their choice) and suddenly were surrounded by hundred and hundred of stupid people. So we have the single mother on welfare whose 4 children each have a different mother breeding while the high IQ people are producing less children. Then we get people who have started protesting about the devicde between have and have nots. I hate to break it to those people, but if these people are that stupid, they won’t miss not having certain things. I guarantee that these people are not using their computers to solve the worlds problems.

I don’t want to get preachy about this movie. I seriously recommend everyone to rent this DVD that 20^th century Fox tried to bury.

My 2 Bytes.