Ummm Happy Juice?

Note; During this post, the word “semen” will be replaced with the term “umm you know”.

Once again, I’ve discovered another benefit for sex. I’ve talked about how sex makes you younger and now according to a study that was written about in Psychology Toady, “umm you know” makes women happy.

They did a study and they discovered that women who have unprotected sex are “are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms”, or women who don’t have sex. I’ve always suspected that women who don’t have sex are less happy than women who do, now they’re a theory that there’s something in the “umm you know” that makes women happy, a mood altering chemical.

I could say so many things right now but they would all be crude and it’s against my nature to talk like that because it disrespectful. I’ve always thought that guys in porns were asses because of the way they treated to women sometimes. I just want to say “come on honey, it will make you happy”. (I’m sorry). The more I think about this, the more it makes sense. Is it just me or are porno actresses the happiest, friendliest people in the world? They seem to be all smiles and eager to please. Maybe this is why they call homosexual men ‘gay’. Gay also means happy, and homosexual tend to be happy. This might a because they like the ‘umm you know”

So if this is true and the secret to being happy is in the “umm you know” then I intend to be the unhappiest person on earth. I’m sorry, but that is one thing I cannot do. I will not absorb the happy hormone in that manor. I’m the type of person who is happy when he is helping others. I will everything in my power to make women happy. I know that itnwill be a heavy burden, but dammit. I’m wiling to make the sacrifice.

My 2 Bytes.

Sex part of a healthy lifestyle. I heard it on Orpah.

According to some doctor who’s a regular on Oprah, people should be having sex 200 times a year in order to live a healthy life. This must mean that I’m the unhealthiest person on the planet.

This doctor also said how having lots of sex can reduce your physiologic age by six years. This basically means that the people who look young are having lots and lots of sex. If you think about this, it makes perfect sense, since the people who look old are people you don’t want to have sex with in the first place.

I’ve also been wondering about the actual ratio of sex benefit vs. no sex and I’m been thinking that I might have figures this out. One sex session equals minus one cigarette. That’s why the people who smoke after sex won’t see the effects So if someone has sex 200 times a year that -200 cigarettes and it makes you 6 years younger.

I thought about this further and I came (no pun intended) to another conclusion. Porn stars must be the healthiest people on the planet. Think about it, they have lots and lots of sec, which is good for you according to the doctor. No wonder these girls look so healthy.

So let’s review. Sex is good for you, and porn stars are the healthiest people in the world. Heck, even that Ron Jeremy is pretty healthy. He used to be so healthy that he “didn’t have to leave the house”. Oh and this came from Oprah, so it has to be true.

My 2 Bytes.

21 Naughty Bytes

Alright the last post was lame but I just found this and this cries for commentary from yours truly so here I go. Oh and I discovered this here.

1. According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches.

Wouldn’t that suck (no pun intended) to be the guy with the smallest ‘deal’. He’s the guy sitting in the corner of the bar mumbling, “Size doesn’t matter my ass”.

2. The most common fantasy is oral sex

I could make a nasty comment but now that I think of it, this makes sense, there’s something …naughty about it (I was going to say presidential but that joke’s been done too many times).

3. 8% of us have regular anal sex.

And 92% of us say “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING”

4. 60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand.

And 6% have had more than one. Do the math people.

5. Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold.

Once I bought the “Today Sponge”, you should have seen the look at got from the cashier. (I was indeed Spongeworthy)

6. In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men similarly endowed.

These are the guys who are dating the 8%.

7. Men say the average erect penis is 10″. Women say it’s 4″.

Women don’t count balls. Men do.

8. A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.

Hallelujah !!!!!!!!!!

9. 56% of men have had sex at work.

I’m sorry but masturbation in the bathroom does not count.

10. Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love
    an average of three times a night, every night, until their
    thirties, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14.

Where do I sing up to be a Mangaian?

11. 1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair.

I’m single and have always been so it’s not me

12. 62% think there is nothing wrong with affairs.

That depends if you’re the one being cheated on

13. The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from skin to
    brain has been clocked at 156 miles per hour.

I want to know how they timed this, and who were the test subjects. Also how do I become a test subject.

14. A honeymooning couple are suing Holiday Inn for ten thousand
    dollars, claiming their sex life is now dysfunction because an
    employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.

Was he carrying a videocamera?

15. At least 500 Americans die each year from asphyxia in an attempt
    to lessen oxygen flow to the brain in order to induce a more
    powerful orgasm.

I think I saw this movie.

16. England’s King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a
    special table built so that he could comfortably engage in
    sexual intercourse.

Two options. Let her get on top or LOOSE SOME WEIGHT

17. 29% of us are virgins when we marry.

Forget the virgin, I wanna marry a slut. She knows what’s she’s doing.

18. The average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes.

38 minutes of begging, 1 minute of sex.

19. 58% like dirty talk during sex.

What else are you suppose to do? Ask how your day went?

20. 22% rent porno flicks at least once.

And 78% are liars.

21. Given today’s average frequency of sexual intercourse, it would
    take the typical American couple more than four years to try
    every one of the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra.

Ok I’m now taking applications to try this out.

My 2 Bytes

She likes playing games.

I read that women who game have more sex than women who don’t, and this is from Wired so it’s a credible source. They report of a survey done by Gametart.com, a UK game rental service that women who game have sex an average of 1.1 times more a week than women who don’t. This does not surprise me at all. Females, who has this “videogames are for kids” attitude are probably uptight, frigid bitches who I definitely wouldn’t want to stick my CENSORED in them, but I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Does this mean that they are not allowed to have fun by playing a videogame? I’m not talking testosterone injected first person shooters like Half Life 2, Doom and Quake games (though some women do play them), I’m talking fun stuff like racing games, puzzle games and even The Sims (for record, its about a 1 to 1 ratio between male and female Sims players.) I’ve even encountered female City of Heroes players.

My theory is that the women gamers like to “have fun” and what better way to have fun than….. (Cue the 70’s porno music). I know I’m not supposed to mention this but some people like to have sex for pleasure/fun. Heck, sometimes playing a videogame against your mate can even turn into “foreplay” (don’t ask, because I’m not telling). Fighting games can turn into a dominance thing.

The article even says that women who have recently started gaming have also seen a ‘rise’ in the amount of sex they have. I also know this to be true. A friend of mine who also plays City of Heroes bought his non gaming wife a copy of the Desperate Housewives game, she then started playing it and he noticed a significant increase in the amount of…(Cue the 70’s porno music).

So listen here, non gamer ladies, if you want more (Cue 70’s porno music), pick up a damn Wii, or DS and start having fun.

My 2 Bytes.

I didn't meant to have that dream

I had a heck of dream last night. Were talking ‘WHOA’ here. However I realize that I owe someone an apology because of it. At the time, it was a good dream but now I feel like I did something wrong. Really really wrong. Last night I dreamt that I slept with someone on my Favorite Blogs list, though technically there was no sleeping involved.

I’m not going to say who it was, just that this person is female. Again, I feel bad about it now but I have to say one other thing, you were fantastic. This was some really wild sex. We’re talking animal instinct sex and you were incredible. Oh and you seemed to be enjoying yourself as well. What I really hate is the fact that I’ve forgotten most of the dream already but I do remember it being intense.

Again, I’ve very sorry about that, and I hope you can forgive me for dreaming about you in that manor.

My 2 Bytes.