Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I swear, she's coming here to visit just to piss me off

Last week, I was reading the paper and I read something about how the city has to shell out another $30, 000 for little flags when the Queen comes to town. Ok now $30, 000 may not be that much considering where talking about Queen Elizabeth II coming to town but for a bunch of tiny flags that have to go up on her 'route'. What the FUCK is this bullshit? $30, 000 for flags ! ! ! ! ! !

Oh it gets better. Reading the article, I discover that they have to be "Official" flags, which mean they have to be bought from a certain company that has the "Royal Seal of Approval". Sounds more like a Royal Pain in the Ass to me. Is it just me or does this sound like a scam, I wonder how much of a cut the Queen gets out of this. I mean, if it was up to me, I'd just call up Home Depot and get a quote, I'm sure they would order them if they didn't have them in stock. Oh better yet, we can put up all those Calgary Flames flags that everyone had on their cars during the playoffs last year. Oh and if she shows up during the Stampede, how the hell is she going to see them damn things anyway, with all the Calgary Stampede flags out (with the Coca Cola logos on them). Oh and if she's going to notice the difference in the little flags anyway.

I can just imagine how this visit is going to be a huge kiss the Queen's ass fest. The more I think about it, the more I dislike the idea. We'd have to witness the Queen wave at people and whisper the word "peasants" to everyone. Then after witnessing some "local" event they would go to her hotel suite (probably be in the Palliser) and brute around about how its not Buckingham Palace. Who needs this? I don't. The money could be going to some good use like helping the homeless instead of dealing with some uppity old broad.

Ok, here's what I think should happen. Book her a nice suite, get her damn Union Jack flags from Home Depot, then take her to the Stampede, buy her some mini donuts (mmmm Stampede mini donuts, drool) and take her to the Grand Stand Show at the end of the day. Another day she could check out the Chuck Wagon races and Bull Riding. Oh and if they need to hold a big 'reception' for her. Have it at Hooters, buy her a plate of wings, make sure they're suicide wings and don't tell her, and get her a pitcher of draft. She wants to know what Canadians are like, then she should get off her high horse and experience life as a Canadian. Make her take a cab and maybe she will also have her cell phone stolen by the cab driver. Oh I forgot, she wouldn't have one. She would have people make phone calls for her. At least Bush has an Ipod. Oh and she can eat her other meals at Denny's where she can order "Moon over my Hammy"

I guess I'm saying that I despise people who "believe in their own hype" and you can't get any worse than Queeny Elizabeth II. If she wants to come to town and visit, that's fine but don't expect us to kiss her old wrinkly ass. Oh yeah, isn't it time she stepped down. The power hungry old Bat.

My 2 bytes.

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