Tuesday, April 15, 2008

It might seem like a good idea, but...

As you may (or may not know), I’ve taken on a second job at a Safeway in Calgary, I work in file maintenance, which means I put up signs for sales and related stuff. I normally don’t have to interact with the customers directly, so I watch them from the corner of my eye. I’ve observed many types of people, but one group I find particularly interesting, the gay couples that come into the store. They always seem happy, well dressed and well groomed, and life seems to be good for them. So I’m thinking that maybe being gay isn’t so bad.

First of all, like I said, they are well groomed. We’re not talking the fat, smoking trucker type here. I’m not saying that they’re all Fabios or Brad Pitts but they do look good and fashionable. Oh and they have nice hair.

The same can be said for their clothes. The always wear stylish clothes. I would never see these guys in a toque and a flannel shirt (though, they are uniquely Canadian). They dress really well. That’s the whole point of that Queer Eye for the Straight guy show. Those guys know how to dress and I wouldn’t mind having them raid my closet. They would probably get rid of the old sweaters that my mom gave me. Let’s face it people, fat guy plus a sweater is not a pretty thing. To be honest, I would prefer to get that advice from a guy man as opposed to a woman, especially a girlfriend. If I received that advice from a female, then I would feel like that she’s dressing me to meet her satification, almost like when my mom would buy me clothes when I was a kid. I wouldn’t feel like that from a gay man however. As long as he knew that I was straight.

I’ve also noticed that gay men (at least the ones I see at the store) are always in shape. It might be from eating habits, that they work out or both. I always find it interesting that when two men shop together, they are usually looking for specific ingredient, spices, sauces, and especially yogurt and pasta. I’m sure they have “fabulous” meals. Far better than what I can make.

Now while being a gay man does have many positives there are some negatives that I just can’t get over.

First of all, I don’t want any foreign objects inserted in my anus. I’ve seen some of those movies where women seem to like it, but I’m reasonability sure that they’re faking it. Well, 9 out of 10 are faking it.

Second of all, I can’t bring myself to touch a man’s deal. Never mind, putting it in my….never mind. I don’t mind doing stuff with my …ummm.,, to a woman, but I cannot polish a knob. I’m not going to happen.

Also, I can’t stick my “deal” into something that has facial hair, a hairy chest and or testicles. I do not want to feel a moustache again my body, and I’m not sticking my “deal” into an output.

Oh and finally, I remember my mom telling me over and over again, that “how do you know that you don’t like it, if you’ve never even tasted it”, but I refuse to try semen. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

So while there are some benefits to the gay lifestyle, I’ve decided that overall, it would be a pain in the ass, so I’ll stick to my breast fetish.

My 2 Bytes

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