A very confused friend asked me...

I know this person. Let’s call him…George. Now a few years ago…many years ago actually George went out with a girl named …Laura. Now George and Laura were in a relationship, and George and Laura did things that people do in relationships. Now after the relationship is over and after Laura went out with a few other men (George thinks that this is somewhat important), decided that she’s going to pitch for the other side. Now George is a nice guy and respects the rights of individuals to be gay or lesbian or whatever, as long as it consenting with both parties. So George was happy that Laura was happy when she started going out with Hillary.

So years go by, and people move on and people loose contact with each other and this is the case with George and Laura. Then all of a sudden, George gets a friends invite from someone named Larry. In this invite he mentions some stuff that reminds George of Laura. George then looks at a picture of Larry, and notices a resemblance to Laura. So George accepts the invite and Larry is now George’s friend. George then looks at Larry profile and confirms something. Apparently Laura turned in her Hoo Hoo for a Mr. Happy.

Now George tells me this as asks me one question. Does this mean that George slept with man? I don’t know what to tell him.

My 2 Bytes.

I'm really pissed.

Today I was going to blog about the Comic Con that I went to over the weekend. How I had a great time, but I should have known that my happiness was short lived. To quote Dennis Leary, “Happiness comes in 5 second bursts; it’s a cigarette, an orgasm, or a chocolate chip cookie. THAT’S IT”. Other than that, life sucks.

Last week I blogged about how I was getting screwed at work and now comes the “piece de la resistance”. They want to move me from the front office into the filthy, dirty, warehouse, into a small area at the BACK of the filthy, dirty warehouse. If I had known that they were going to do that to me, I would have taken the severance package. Piss off management. I mean REALLY!!! Oh and why are they doing this? Because they want to remove the cubicles in the front office to create a “training” area. BULLSHIT !!! They want to fuck me over. They want to kick me when I’m down while I ask “please sir, can I have some more”.

I’m so mad, that I can’t even look at management in the eye anymore. I can’t do it without fear of exploding. I’m that outraged. I’ve applied for a few jobs, but it’s time to go full tilt. I’m that mad, that disgusted. They give me this blaa blaa about how I’m appreciated and then they fuck me over by doing this.

Honestly, I should have expected this, because of how this place works. This morning I woke up with a sense of dread over coming into work. Now I know why. About ten minutes ago I had a discussion with the Distribution Centre Manager about my moving into the warehouse, and it took every fiber of my being to not explode and tell him to go to hell.

I feel so humiliated by this, to be downgraded by this. To be cast off like this. I should have taken the severance package, but it’s too late. I hate them. I hate them all.

My 2 SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF BYTES

P.S. Please forgive my potty mouth.

The Clip of the Week

Why is it that the stuff that was cool in the 70's would get you ass kicked today?

My 2 Bytes

Photo Friday (What is it with Monkeys?)

My Mom and Dad are here. HELP

Well my mom and dad are here. They arrived yesterday. They leave tomorrow. Part of me wishes that they would stay longer. Part of me wants them out, now.

Last night we went to The Keg for supper after they arrived and my dad was up to his usual self. I hate to admit it, but I think I get my sense of humor. My mom on the other hand is a complainer. She been complaining about things ever since she got into the city.

Oh for the record, I'm surprised that my dad is still alive after he said that he was going to ask the waitress if she could get the "senior discount". Along with "do it know you", and "what area code are you from".

So today I'm taking my mom and dad shopping (ok my mom and my dad is tagging along). At least my dad can go to the western wear store. The part I'm not looking for is that they want to go to the casino afterwards. They can spend hours and hours in there and to be honest, a casino doesn't really appeal to me. The place is usually filled with old people, people looking for the "big payoff", and tourists. Personally, I prefer to pay my $15 a month to play City of Heroes. I usually play 2 hours a day during the week and 4 hours a day on the weekend. If you do the math, I'm paying pennies an hour to play. Oh well, I'll just have to waste $20.

Oh well, they rarely visit.

My 2 Bytes

Shoot me now....no wait.

Here’s the deal. I might not have a job next week. Someone in head office decided that for the sake of the budget, I’m not needed anymore. However, management in Calgary doesn’t want to let me go. They feel that I’m needed here, (It’s nice to feel needed) so they’re pushing to keep me. Also, they’ve trying creating a new role for me, I’m not going to go into details, but it will have my old duties added and I’ll have the word “analyst” in it. I just hope that everything goes through or else I’ll be getting the “golden handshake”.

I also did some checking and discovered that the “golden handshake” is actually pretty sucky and not worth it, if I have a choice. This place is feeling more and more like a prison, and the hour commute (each way) doesn’t help.

So I’ve decided to (yes again) to do some job searching. I’ve also called the head hunter to see if she can come up with something.

Also, it’s stuff like this which pushes me to work harder on getting Space Station Anime into a money making operation. I still have plans, just not enough energy. Maybe it’s a medical thing? Maybe I should talk to a doctor about it.

I’m not feeling inspired today, but there is hope, I never give up.

My 2 Bytes

I'm dreaming stories

Over the weekend, I had this dream. It was more like I was watching a movie..or something like that. The main character was a teenage boy, maybe 16 years old. From what I remember, he was on his own; a runaway perhaps, I’m not sure. He was typical expect for one thing, he has the power to reverse time.

What I remember is that he did it to prevent someone from dying. Again, I don’t remember much, but I also know that because he used this power to save someone’s life. He was prevented from meeting someone. I think she was his “soul mate”. I don’t remember much except that she also had a power, but I don’t know what it was, and that she dyed her hair purple.

I also remember an older man, who was trying to recruit the “soul mate” into some sort of secret society, a society of super powered individuals; a group that wants to do good.

I wish I could remember more, but most of it faded away when I woke up.

I’ve always had a love for super heroes, maybe to the point that I’m starting to dream stories about super powered beings. I just wish I could remember the whole story. I think it would be interesting.

My 2 Bytes.

Photo Friday

This guy's childhood must have been a living hell

Who thought of this?

Has this ever happened to you? You’ve met someone, things are going well. You’re in the process of treating your lady companion to some cunnilingus and it’s not going so well, because you have to keep to coming up for air, and because of this, she’s get frustrated because she’s “so close” and thinks you’re being a pain. All the while you’re gasping for breath. Let’s face it, in today’s modern world, not being able to bring a woman to orgasm an attack on your manhood. You need to be able to prove that you can do, the job and do it right. So what do you do to help with the breathing problem? That’s where the Pussy Snorkel comes in. Put this device on and you’ll be able to lick all day and still be able to breath, and she’ll than you for it.

Now seriously, I want to know who invented this thing. Also what I want to know is why does the picture show a woman wearing the thing? Is that the lesbian model? Why does she have her tongue sticking out? Is she planning to do a demonstration?

I know that cunnilingus is serious busy and nothing pisses a woman off more than a guy who doesn’t know what the hell they are doing. Oh and guys, don’t think that watching pornos will educate you on what to do. My advice…READ A DAMN BOOK. You’d be surprised on what you learn, and guess what; most of those books are written by women, and I’d rather get an informed opinion on the subject as opposed to getting my ideas from wanking material.

I’ll be honest, I would feel a little silly wearing this thing, never mind what the woman would thing. It would be like she was getting “eaten out” by a super villain or something. I’ve never tried the thing, but I prefer to breath out of my mouth as opposed to my nose. Also, let’s be honest, during these session, there’s a lot of excitement by both parties, and I seriously doubt that this thing can supply enough oxygen for the wearer and nothing would be more embarrassing that having the “licker” pass out with their faces in the “lickees” Hoo Hoo.

Maybe I’m just not taking that task as seriously as I should be.

My 2 bytes

Uggg, Stupid Parents.

When I first read this, I just shook my head. This is more proof that we need to start the Vasectomies now, even though it might be too late. I’ve heard of parents arguing about how to raise their children. They’re concerned about things like what faith the child should be raised in. Should they encourage the child to be more creative, of to be more physical, but to argue what gang their child should join?, I say get that kid away from his parents and fix both parents.

Now I never really had that issue growing up. The only issue I had was that my parents FORCED me to finish my supper, even when I wasn’t hungry (but that’s another story). Does a four year old need that kind of pressure? Does a four year old need to consider if he should join the Westside Ballers, or the Crips? I just hope that someone has enough sense to get that kid out of that home. At four years old, the child has a chance.

It’s stuff like this that makes me wish that people should require a permit to have a child. It’s obvious that these people are unfit to be parents. We seriously need to do some investigating into how to regulate child conception. Right now, some people have kids to get more money for their welfare cheques. What we need to do is create a medical procedure that would put a lock of a man’s ability to …create that mess. Oh for the record, I’m blaming the males (yes my side). Guys are the ones who do their thing and then leave the women in “the state”. Some of them don’t take their responsibilities seriously. They just want to get their rocks off. What we need to do is look at the possibility of giving a vasectomy (the reversible kind) to all males once they hit 12 years old, and if they want to be a father, they need to prove that they can be responsible enough to handle fatherhood. This would help out a lot of women, and keep the gene pool clean of people who fight over what gang their 4 year olds should join.

Ok I know this view is a little extreme, but look at what is going on out there. There are some real stupid people out there and it’s going to get worse before it gets better. We need to fix this problem before it’s too late.

Now I know I’ve gone on and on about this and people are starting to roll their eyes but I see it all the time. You would not believe the amount of people I see who can’t understand the concept of being buzzed into the building. They push the door bell, I push to buzz them in and they grab the door look at me, like I’m suppose to do something else. PULL THE DOOR OPEN YOU DUMB ASSES.

Oh and while I’m typing this, a woman shows up to apply for a job, and she asks me to photocopy her resume for her. I figure sure, she probably wants to add it to her application, but she asks me for 5 copies. SHE DOESN’T NEED 5 COMPIES. WERE NOT KINKOS DAMMIT.

I keep seeing the decline of western civilization and I’m really worried. It’s like those 60’s and 70’s science fiction movies with the bad ending. I can picture myself running through the streets in 10 years screaming. “SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OUT OF STUPID PEOPLE”.

My 2 Bytes

It might seem like a good idea, but...

As you may (or may not know), I’ve taken on a second job at a Safeway in Calgary, I work in file maintenance, which means I put up signs for sales and related stuff. I normally don’t have to interact with the customers directly, so I watch them from the corner of my eye. I’ve observed many types of people, but one group I find particularly interesting, the gay couples that come into the store. They always seem happy, well dressed and well groomed, and life seems to be good for them. So I’m thinking that maybe being gay isn’t so bad.

First of all, like I said, they are well groomed. We’re not talking the fat, smoking trucker type here. I’m not saying that they’re all Fabios or Brad Pitts but they do look good and fashionable. Oh and they have nice hair.

The same can be said for their clothes. The always wear stylish clothes. I would never see these guys in a toque and a flannel shirt (though, they are uniquely Canadian). They dress really well. That’s the whole point of that Queer Eye for the Straight guy show. Those guys know how to dress and I wouldn’t mind having them raid my closet. They would probably get rid of the old sweaters that my mom gave me. Let’s face it people, fat guy plus a sweater is not a pretty thing. To be honest, I would prefer to get that advice from a guy man as opposed to a woman, especially a girlfriend. If I received that advice from a female, then I would feel like that she’s dressing me to meet her satification, almost like when my mom would buy me clothes when I was a kid. I wouldn’t feel like that from a gay man however. As long as he knew that I was straight.

I’ve also noticed that gay men (at least the ones I see at the store) are always in shape. It might be from eating habits, that they work out or both. I always find it interesting that when two men shop together, they are usually looking for specific ingredient, spices, sauces, and especially yogurt and pasta. I’m sure they have “fabulous” meals. Far better than what I can make.

Now while being a gay man does have many positives there are some negatives that I just can’t get over.

First of all, I don’t want any foreign objects inserted in my anus. I’ve seen some of those movies where women seem to like it, but I’m reasonability sure that they’re faking it. Well, 9 out of 10 are faking it.

Second of all, I can’t bring myself to touch a man’s deal. Never mind, putting it in my….never mind. I don’t mind doing stuff with my …ummm.,, to a woman, but I cannot polish a knob. I’m not going to happen.

Also, I can’t stick my “deal” into something that has facial hair, a hairy chest and or testicles. I do not want to feel a moustache again my body, and I’m not sticking my “deal” into an output.

Oh and finally, I remember my mom telling me over and over again, that “how do you know that you don’t like it, if you’ve never even tasted it”, but I refuse to try semen. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

So while there are some benefits to the gay lifestyle, I’ve decided that overall, it would be a pain in the ass, so I’ll stick to my breast fetish.

My 2 Bytes

The Clip of the Week (Comic Con)

The sad thing is that I bought advanced tickets to the Calgary Expo already. I know, I know, but I did enjoy myself last year and SULU is going to be there this year.

I knew something strange was going on.

I've always found the term "feminine protection" vague. When I was younger, I thought it refered to pink uzis and pink flame throwers until I had that "special" class and went WHAT THE ... Oh and for the record, I'm glad that I had that special class because my mom and dad never told me a damn thing. So after I learned the truth, I did my best to avoid hearing about how "bloated" a female coworker felt.

Recently I'm surfing online to find a topic to bring back the glory days of my blog, and I found it. The Tampon Stun Gun Protector. Yes, it's a taser gun that is made to look like a tampon, well 2 tampons. Now this beats the leopard skinned MP3/Taser by a good mile. I want to know who thought that this was a good idea?



Now I imagine someone waving this thing around, and even before someone fires this thing, I can picture the guy going "uhhh". Then having to explain how he was zapped by a tampon. Oh in case you didn't know, a tampon is like Kryptonite to a guy. Like Superman, a man will turn green, moan and collapse, so honestly, I don't think that they had to make a stun gun look like one of those things, unless you need to defend yourself against dykes.

I do worry about one thing, what if a friend needs to borrow a tampon. ZAPPP!!!!

My 2 Bytes

Post #1000

The last time I wrote a post like this, it was my first anniversary of blogging and I got a “whatever” attitude or people saying, that they has be been blogging for 18 months, so I decided not to do those kind of blog post until actually made a major milestone. Well I’ve decided that blog post #1000 is that milestone.

I’ve been doing this blogging thing since August 2004 and I’d like the that the blog just keeps getting better and better, but I know the truth, I’ve had my up and downs, some proud moments and moments of poo poo. I’ve had some great comments, and made many blog friends. I’ve also been the target of lots of spam. In fact I’ve had so many Viagra comment spasm at once point that, if I followed the link and bought the stuff each then I’ve have a stiffy the size of the CN Tower.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that post #1000 is just a number. If this were a tv show, then I would turn this into a clip show, like on the Larry Sanders show, where they always show the the clip of the monkey grabbing Larry's nuts.

I'm really find it very hard to give post 1000 any real meaning, to the point that I wrote the first two paragraphs yesterday and then walked away because I couldn't think of anything else to write about. I find myself thinking "why should I do something special, I've already did a "best of.. to death" but I'm definitely going to do the best of comments again. They were really funny, out of context.

It's not like I'm writing this post in a tuxedo and having a special guest star like Charo, Richard Simmons, or David Letterman show up. It's not a big deal. I'm just a guy who writes a blog and crap, and tries to be a smart ass about it.

I'm just here and I'll keep on writing for my 1's on fan who enjoy how my sick mind works.

My 2 Bytes

I know how to save mankind

I'm watching TV and I hear about how a province in India has a “Vasectomy for Guns” program. Here's the story, there is a province in India that has a big bandit program, and the men in the villages want to have a gun to defend themselves, so someone comes up with the idea that if you get a vasectomy, then we'll fast track your gun permit application.

Now when I first heard about this program, I thought “ARE YOU NUTS”!!!! In other parts of the world, they have this type of program to get the guns OFF the streets, not onto the street. I thought it was a dangerous idea. The idea of a bunch of guys who are now shooting blanks walking around with guns...then I saw the potential, and realized that the person who thought of this is a genius.

Now I've been going on about my “peeing in the gene pool” for sometime and how civilization is doomed, but now we have the solution, it's Vasectomy for ...Beer, Tickets to Sporting tickets..or whatever.

Now here me out. I know that this wouldn't interest normal people, but I'm interesting in targeting the people we DON'T want to breed. If they could get a free case of beer, football tickets, Nascar tickets. in exchange for having a vasectomy, there would be as many lines as in India, if not longer. They get free beer and more importantly we stop the dumbing down of society. We save the world for Idiocracy. We can save the world from the dumb people. Society doesn't have to fall.

I have hope again. I just need a few doctors and a lot of cases of beer.

My 2 bytes

What's wrong with you !!!

It’s crap like this that really pisses me off. Now I’m a hockey fan, like many Canadians, and I’m a Flames fan like many Calgarians, and I’m into the whole Flames vs Oilers rivalry, BUT I would never ever condone beating some guy unconscious simply because he was wearing an Oilers fan and wearing an Oilers Jersey. That’s way over the line.

Now I’ve kidded with many online friends across the border about how we Canadians are a laid back people, but if you mess with our hockey team’ we’ll kick your ass, but that was just mean as a joke about how passionate we are about our teams. No one should actually hurt someone. Sure, say that they suck, but don’t actually hit them.

I took my time and read the story, and again, the guy did get a little lippy and he did have a few, but there’s no reason to beat him over it. I read that it was a bunch of early 20’s guys who came out of a Mercedes Benz, and I’ll bet any money that the car belonged to the driver’s parents. So the guy was beaten by a group of 5 spoiled rotten rich boys. Oh, they got the license plate of the car so there will be some arrests.

What I want to know is what is wrong with these people. I’ve seen many of these dumb ass groups who think that the world owes them everything because their daddies have a lot of money, and unfortunately, we have a lot of those types here. I look forward to hearing about these guys getting charged, cuffed and thrown into a jail cell.

So Mr. Oilers fan. I swear that, were not all like that. Sorry about your experience.

My 2 Bytes