Why I freaked out on Saturday

Saturday night I posted a freak out of a post. My mind was racing 100km/h in ever which direction. I guess I should try to clear some things but, but without giving out too many details. I’m sorry, but my friend is very protective of her privacy, and I will respect that, no matter what happens.

So Saturday night, I was at a virtual dance party on City of Heroes, when someone asked me if I knew this person, to which I replied yes. I considered this person to be a friend. I answered yes, and he told me the news about my friend. I’m not going to go into details of the privacy thing, but she’s in bad shape, really bad. I don’t even know if she’s alive at this point, and this news is weeks old.

I’ve had many people tell me, that they thought some really things about me. People have formed mostly positive opinions about me (I’m sure there’s someone out there who thinks I’m a jerk). I’m pretty sure she thought positive things about me, because she shared some things with me, including …stuff I’m not going to talk about. I’ve always respected other people’s privacy, and I always treat people the way I would expect to be treated. Maybe, that’s the reason why we got along so well.

I’m not going to go into details over what happened, but I knew that she was seriously ill. I also knew in the back of my mind that what was happening, was possible. I just refused to acknowledge it. I did want to admit to myself that my friend could…I can’t say that word. I just feel that if I say it, then it will be true. I WILL NOT SAY THAT WORD.

I’ve made a lot of online friends over the years, and I’m chatted with them on IM, spoken with them on the phone, and made plans to meet them face to fact (but that hasn’t happened yet). There never were plans to meet face to face with this person for privacy reasons, and again, I respected them. I always thought that perhaps one day, we might meet, but I figured that it would be her choice. I would never pursue the idea, because the last thing I would ever want to do, was hurt her, but now she might be gone.

The worst thing right now is that I don’t know. I don’t know is she’s alive or…(I’m not saying). It’s the fact that I’m don’t know that’s the worse thing. I need to know what happened. It’s the fact that I don’t know that’s the worst.

I would like to thank Jay for her concern for me. I’ve always had nothing but good things to say about her, and she took the time to check on me after my freak out. I just wanted to say thanks.

At this point, there isn’t much else to say, so.

My 2 Bytes