Sunday, February 28, 2010

I wasted a week of my life.

Seriously. All I did was play Star Trek Online and meet with some job recruiters. Well, the job thing is good, but staying home all week playing videogames? Even I now concede that was all Bullshit.

I talk about doing things like writing a book, which I have started, then I get the idea for the second book which will be fiction, but can I actually get off my ass and do something? No. Instead I spend my week playing a videogame. I know better than this.

I've meet many people who complain about their lives and do nothing about it, and I'm scared that I might become one of them. Heck I haven't blogged in a week.

One of the things that I've been debating is if I should get a bus pass for the month of March. Is this something that I really need? Well after some thought, I decided yes even though it's more money that I'll have to pull from my savings. Sure I live downtown, and everything I need access too is in walking distance, but still, I need to feel like I have the freedom to go anywhere I want to in the city. I did the math, and it would be cheaper, but it's more than money, it's my freedom.

I also think my insecurities are also playing a major role in what is basically my fear of the outside world. i think it shows as well. I appear nervous in front of others in interviews and it's showing. It's being commented on by the headhunters, and I need to do something about it. I was reading one of Vics tweets, and she mentioned Toastmasters International. I've heard of this group before and considered becoming a member, or even attending a meeting. I did a web search and picked where I was going to go and meeting. I'm all set but now that I'm thinking about it, I'm getting scared. Me in a room filled with new people? What the hell am I thinking?

What I'm thinking is that I need to do this. I need to gain some self confidence, because right now I have NONE. ZERO. NADA, and how do I expect someone to hire me and have confidence in me when I don't even have it in myself?

The book has suffered as well. I haven't written a thing in the past week, and that isn't good either. I'm not thinking that my book is going to be part of the Oprah book club, but I need to do something. I don't want a repeat of last week. Sure I managed to get my first toon to the rank of Rear Admiral on Star Trek Online, but an employer doesn't give a crap about that. So tomorrow, I need to do a lot of follow-up calls on potential job opportunities. I need to get up early and do something. I need to regain control of my life.

I need to get off my ass and do something.

My 2 Bytes.


letti said...

Go for it, K. In the words of Tony Little, "You can DO IT!" *hugs*

Olly said...

I understand motivation problems since I work from a home office. When you get up in the morning (or before you go to bed) write yourself a list of things you want to get done that day and make it your mission to get everything crossed off the list. Feeling that you have accomplished something can really break the cycle of drifting. Nevermind the fact that it is the first of the month and I have a ton of invoicing to do and another pile in my inbox - and here I am checking out blogs and Facebook, lol.