Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I'm just taking it one step at a time or yadda yadda.

I swear the days are dragging. I keep thinking that it can't be Wednesday, it should be Thursday, or Friday, but no. It's only Wednesday.

I've only applied for 1 job this week, but on the bright side, I'm on the short list for two other jobs. I like being on the short list, but I'd rather be the one hired, but if I'm making it this far, then I must be doing something right.

So far, all I've done is thought about the book. I was suppose to actually write something this week, but I'll do that tomorrow. I'm still going into this blindly, and I'm probably going to go the self publishing route, but I do have a plan to promote it. What my plan is, I'm not telling. I don't want to give away my idea yet.

I'm trying to stop myself from falling back into old habits, but it can be hard sometimes. My apartment is starting to look sloppy again, so after I'm done writing here, I'm going to clean up again. The good news is that it's not so bad.

I keep thinking about life, and how...mundane it seems to be. Work, go home, rest, repeat. I this really what live is all about? Recently I confessed that I'm doing the IT thing because I want to be able to have skills that are in demand. I don't find it rewarding at all. I do find helping people rewarding, but that's about it. I don't find anything else really exciting about my life, my career, or lack of career. I think the book is me raging against the dying of my light.I used to feel that way a lot when I was working at K&F. That place tried to turn me into a drone.

I think the biggest blow was the postponing of the trip to London. I wanted to go so badly. I was even planing to do a stopover in Iceland, but now...that money is paying next month's rent. I need to start over again. I honestly think that this was worse than the job loss, but like I said, it's a postponement, not a cancellation. I will go to London in 2011 instead, after I meet my friends in San Diego that year as well. I refuse to give up. I won't allow myself to do that.

I seem to have no focus lately, but at least I'm blogging. I only blogged 21 times in 2009, and I'm already two thirds of the way to that and it's still February, so I am back.

Right now, I'm pouring my heart and soul into the screen, and I find myself wondering if anyone cares? Is anyone left who visits to care? Again I blame a dismal 2009 blogging year for that, but again that thought won't leave me. Am I alone?

I think what would cure all my woes is for me to win the frigging lottery. If that happened...say this weekend, then I'll be a lot more secure and I'll start looking at other things, other than day to day life. The ability to be free and go to London and visit Vics. To buy a vehicle and a video camera and vlog my journeys across Canada, from Vancouver to St John's Newfoundland.

The key is that I can't give up. I've seen people give up, and they spend their time in a job that they hate for the rest of their lives. I won't let that happen to me.

My 2 Bytes.


E said...

I care....

And I fully expect your book tour to have a stop in the Burlington, Vermont, USA area!!!


K. Restoule said...

One step at a time. I still need to write it.