I have no shame.

I've been pretty good this week, until I made the mistake of calling the Employment Canada people to check the status of my claim. Turns out that they have up to 28 days to process my claim. I panicked again.

I'm better now, but not knowing is going to drive me up crazy with panic. I just hate not knowing what's going to happen. It's like I can't see 3 feet in front of me and I'm running. Is there something that I'm going to trip on, or am I going to run into a wall? What will my future hold?

Right now, I see several ways that this can turn out. The first is that I get a new job soon, as in the next month or so. I even had an interview today, and should hear about the second interview by Friday, so I'm hopeful. The second, is I get my EI benefits, and get a subsidy for my rent (rent is the highest in Canada), and I'll be ok for the year, while I look for work and see if I can take a few courses to upgrade my resume. The third is I don't get EI, and forced to apply for welfare, and get a bigger rent subsidy. Lastly, I fail to get everything and end up homeless on the street, until June when I would fly home on the plane ticket I already bought and paid for, and start all over again. Needless to say, the last option scares the hell out of me. It also wants me to say...FUCK YOU PARIS HILTON. Having everything handed to you. I'm reasonably confident that the last option will not happen, but I still can't stop thinking about it. I know the key is to not think about it, and blogging about it doesn't help.

Then I remembered a fad back when times were better, cyber begging. People would ask for donations because they were out of work, they needed help paying off their credit cards, whatever. I'm not sure if this went away or not, but I'm gonna bring it back.

There's my donate button. I'm shamelessly begging for money...from Paris Hilton. C'mon Paris. Give me some MONEY.

I don't know if it's a good idea or not, but it's better than living on the street.

To be honest, I'm far from that point, and I honestly don't think that it's gonna happen, but still. It's on the back of my mind. At least I know I can cover next month's rent. Not everyone on the streets tonight can even cover this night's rent.

I've seen many of them in the library recently, and they don't appear to be dumb people. They're there to read as well as pass the time, and they're reading real books, so they're not dumb. I'm noticing them more now because of my current situation.

I'm really hoping the job comes through, and I'll be work by next week. Then I won't have to delay my trip to London by much. Maybe push it to September. Then again I could go next week if Paris Hilton would CLICK MY DONATE BUTTON. That sounds kinda dirty actually.

My 2 bytes