I'm so blaaa

Last night I go so depressed that it was downright ugly. It got so bad that I didn’t want to play City of Heroes. (Yes I know, its shocking isn’t it). Between finding a new place to live, school debt and the cost of living in this city, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but I’m feeling much better now.

Why is it that when things finally start going my way, someone or something has to start mucking things up. Basically change is in order, a total change. At least the moving is the first step in that. The second step is going to be the job. It has to be.

Here’s the deal. Most of the people here are not the type of people I would normally hang out with. I’m not saying that they’re bad people but most of them tend to hang around with people of their own ethnic group and speak their native language. So basically I have 1 or 2 people that I hang out with at work, and one of them gave their notice this week. I need to see new people.

The worst thing is that I’m feeling sorry for myself and if you really put things in perspective, I really in a better place than many others. I have a roof over my head, I’m able to eat 3 meals a day, and life isn’t a struggle for me. My issue is that I’m not doing as well as my parents were when I was growing up. It’s shallow, I know but I can’t help it. I think this is why people from other countries come to Canada and do so well. They had nothing and managed to build good lives for themselves. I, and others in my group, had it all handed to them as a child and sort of expect the same thing as an adult. I know its wrong but….

As pathetic as it sounds, I can’t decide if I’m depressed that I’m not being spoiled or that I’m lonely. Either way, its pretty gad in my opinion.

One thing I do know. I have to get out of this place.

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Major Yadda yadda

I’m having one of those days where I don’t know what to write about. At this point there’s some blaa blaa going on at the desk beside me. It sounds like Bs to be and it’s driving me nuts? The damn person won’t leave either. GRRR.

Ok they’re gone now. Once again Blogger Block has kicked it. I don’t know what to write about. At one point, I started to write about Heroes. It’s now my favorite TV show, after last night’s episode. That episode rocked and got us some answers, as opposed to Lost, which just keeps giving us more questions., the big thing from this week was that we discovered where H.R.G (Horn Rimmed Glasses) true loyalties lie I don’t want to spoil it for people for people who haven’t seen it but it was a good episode. Oh and Vics, Heroes will start airing on BBC Two in June so try to watch, you will not be disappointed.

I was also listening to a podcast a few days ago and this song called Code Monkey started playing and I loved it. It as an IT theme to it but it’s something that everyone can relate too. After all, Code Monkey isn’t the only one who likes Fritos.

More people keep leaving the company, good people that is. Why is it that the good people leave and the assholes stay? Will someone explain something to m because very soon, this company will be nothing but assholes. I think it’s time to get out.

Sigh. I’m feeling really brain dead today. I know that some people like it when I wing a blog post, but let’s face it, this post is a big load of turd. We’re talking major poop here.

I’m also starting to notice the massive return of the spelling mistakes and all I have to say is SHIT!!! GAWD DAMMIT. !!! I’m trying to be creative here, coming up with new ideas, adding my voice to the blogosphere and I can’t seem to catch a stupid spelling mistake. I blame Microsoft, the bastards. Maybe I can sue someone and get some monkey (I mean money.)

One thing I have noticed is that some companies now exist simply to sue other companies and this really blows. Someone who sued Microsoft, was just awarded 1.5 BILLION dollars in relations to a patent involving MP3’s. Now here’s the deal, I think Microsoft should have to give the money if, and only if, Bill Gates gets to go over their offices every day and randomly beat someone with a crowbar until they pass out. I know as a computer geek, I’m suppose to poo poo Microsoft and root for the other guy but ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Give it up people.

I guess that’s all I can think of today, so remember, Code Monkey like Fritos.

Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew.

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The Clip of the Week (The funniest thing to appear on TV in a long time)

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Photo Friday (and ladies...he's single)

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Just some yadda yadda.

I don’t know what to write about. I’m at work and I’ve drank 3 591ml bottles of Gatorade, but its doing nothing for my mood. It’s not that I don’t dislike Gatorade, its just that there’s no booze in it. To be honest, I’m not much of a drinker as opposed to some other people I know. Some of them are probably in a Pub somewhere across the pond talking about me again.

I was requested to defend my country’s honor online and I did so. I’m still waiting to hear the response from the other parties. However considering how often The Bloke posts, I don’t expect to see a response until 2009.

I’ve actually spoken to the gun once or twice and he seems like a good guy despite a quirk or two. Stuff like running around their flat, shouting “Baboon”, or when he answered the phone, saying that Vics was taking her monthly bath. I’m sure she put him his place, and then he starting shouting Baboon over again.

It’s all quiet now. I’ve started closing my office door, because I’m sick and tired of the noise outside. People coming in and asking about this and that; because I’m the IT guy, they ask me non IT related questions, stuff like “Why did I get a speeding ticket?” “Maybe you were speeding.” Then she said, “No, I got into an accident when her car slid into an intersection.” “Then you got it because you lost control of you vehicle.” Then she says no again. Then I say, “It should say so on the ticket.” To which she says no, that’s not it. At this point I close my door and shake my head. I can’t take it. I sometimes wonder how these people generate enough brain power to get out of their homes every day.

I need to start putting in some more serious effort to finding a new place to live. Right now I’m just doing a check here and there in my neighborhood but If I don’t find anything by next weekend (the beginning of March), I’m going to have to use one of those home locator services. I found on that would give me access to their database for about $20 for 30 days. I’m sure I can find a place in that time span. I want to be out of my current place by April 1.

I’m starting to ramble so I guess; I’ll stop when I’m ahead.

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21 Naughty Bytes

Alright the last post was lame but I just found this and this cries for commentary from yours truly so here I go. Oh and I discovered this here.

1. According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches.

Wouldn’t that suck (no pun intended) to be the guy with the smallest ‘deal’. He’s the guy sitting in the corner of the bar mumbling, “Size doesn’t matter my ass”.

2. The most common fantasy is oral sex

I could make a nasty comment but now that I think of it, this makes sense, there’s something …naughty about it (I was going to say presidential but that joke’s been done too many times).

3. 8% of us have regular anal sex.

And 92% of us say “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING”

4. 60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand.

And 6% have had more than one. Do the math people.

5. Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold.

Once I bought the “Today Sponge”, you should have seen the look at got from the cashier. (I was indeed Spongeworthy)

6. In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men similarly endowed.

These are the guys who are dating the 8%.

7. Men say the average erect penis is 10″. Women say it’s 4″.

Women don’t count balls. Men do.

8. A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.

Hallelujah !!!!!!!!!!

9. 56% of men have had sex at work.

I’m sorry but masturbation in the bathroom does not count.

10. Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love
    an average of three times a night, every night, until their
    thirties, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14.

Where do I sing up to be a Mangaian?

11. 1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair.

I’m single and have always been so it’s not me

12. 62% think there is nothing wrong with affairs.

That depends if you’re the one being cheated on

13. The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from skin to
    brain has been clocked at 156 miles per hour.

I want to know how they timed this, and who were the test subjects. Also how do I become a test subject.

14. A honeymooning couple are suing Holiday Inn for ten thousand
    dollars, claiming their sex life is now dysfunction because an
    employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.

Was he carrying a videocamera?

15. At least 500 Americans die each year from asphyxia in an attempt
    to lessen oxygen flow to the brain in order to induce a more
    powerful orgasm.

I think I saw this movie.

16. England’s King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a
    special table built so that he could comfortably engage in
    sexual intercourse.

Two options. Let her get on top or LOOSE SOME WEIGHT

17. 29% of us are virgins when we marry.

Forget the virgin, I wanna marry a slut. She knows what’s she’s doing.

18. The average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes.

38 minutes of begging, 1 minute of sex.

19. 58% like dirty talk during sex.

What else are you suppose to do? Ask how your day went?

20. 22% rent porno flicks at least once.

And 78% are liars.

21. Given today’s average frequency of sexual intercourse, it would
    take the typical American couple more than four years to try
    every one of the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra.

Ok I’m now taking applications to try this out.

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One more thing about Canadian innovation.

I forgot about this since it's so recent (last week). A Canadian company in Vancouver last week did a tech demo for Quantum Computing. Something that wasn't expected to be done for another 50 years.

NAAAA!!

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Great Canadian Inventions.

I got a request. Normally I don’t do requests but I feel I have to in order to defend the honor of my country. I received an e-mail from Vics and in it she told me that she and her friends had a discussion about Canada, and was mentioned, my name is known across the pond now. Anyway, the discussion was about things Canada has contributed to world or famous Canadian of noteworthy mention. Basically all they could come up with was Maple Syrup I mean….COME ON!!!! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!!!! However they cannot and they have asked me Canuck Boy to help out, so here goes.

The Telephone: Alexander Graham Bell invented as most people know but he was NOT American. He was Canadian

Insulin: A drug created by Frederick Banting, so diabetics all over the world could now lead a normal life, and manage their disease.

IMAX: A Film resolution that allows for far greater detail in movies.

U.N. Peace Keepers: The idea of Preston B Pearson, when he was Canada’s ambassador to the UN. He would later become one of Canada’s greatest Prime Ministers (They even named the Toronto airport after him).

JAVA The Computer Language: Created by James Gosling back in 1994. The Internet would not be what it is today if it weren’t for this guy and I don’t mean spam.

The Wonderbra: Any garment that promotes cleavage is a GREAT CANADIAN INVENTION (I’m sorry I had to put something like that in to make sure you’re paying attention)

The Blackberry: Created by Canadian Company Research in Motion or RIM for short.

Standard Time: Sandford Fleming came up with the idea of standardized time zones all over the world.

Pacemaker: Invented by Canadian John Hopps

Ski Doo: A vehicle created for traveling in Canadian winters. Invented by Joseph-Armand Bombardier who later create a company that expanded in aerospace, and railway technology.

Honorable Mention.

Instant Mashed Potatoes: Because Canadians wanted their Mashed Potatoes NOW!!!

Basketball: Invented by James Naismith, because sometimes it was too cold to play Hockey.

Superman: Joe Shuster, half of the team that created Superman was Canadian.

Hopefully I have defended Canada’s honor on the world stage by listing some of Canada’s greatest inventions and contribution to the world. Every day I wake up and think “Thank God I live in the country that invented the Wonderbra”

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The Clip of the Week

It's bits like this that make The Family Guy such a great show.

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Photo Friday (I'm in love)

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She likes playing games.

I read that women who game have more sex than women who don’t, and this is from Wired so it’s a credible source. They report of a survey done by Gametart.com, a UK game rental service that women who game have sex an average of 1.1 times more a week than women who don’t. This does not surprise me at all. Females, who has this “videogames are for kids” attitude are probably uptight, frigid bitches who I definitely wouldn’t want to stick my CENSORED in them, but I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Does this mean that they are not allowed to have fun by playing a videogame? I’m not talking testosterone injected first person shooters like Half Life 2, Doom and Quake games (though some women do play them), I’m talking fun stuff like racing games, puzzle games and even The Sims (for record, its about a 1 to 1 ratio between male and female Sims players.) I’ve even encountered female City of Heroes players.

My theory is that the women gamers like to “have fun” and what better way to have fun than….. (Cue the 70’s porno music). I know I’m not supposed to mention this but some people like to have sex for pleasure/fun. Heck, sometimes playing a videogame against your mate can even turn into “foreplay” (don’t ask, because I’m not telling). Fighting games can turn into a dominance thing.

The article even says that women who have recently started gaming have also seen a ‘rise’ in the amount of sex they have. I also know this to be true. A friend of mine who also plays City of Heroes bought his non gaming wife a copy of the Desperate Housewives game, she then started playing it and he noticed a significant increase in the amount of…(Cue the 70’s porno music).

So listen here, non gamer ladies, if you want more (Cue 70’s porno music), pick up a damn Wii, or DS and start having fun.

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The advances in stem boob research.

Remember yesterday when I mentioned that other countries are ahead of the U.S. in Stem Cell research? Well I now have proof and this innovation is from Japan, not the U.S. It turns out that some Japanese scientists to use stem and fat cells to make women’s boobs BIGGER.

So what they do is remove fat from a woman’s stomach or thighs; mix it with some stem cells and reinsert it in her….. The results are that they are “soft and natural”, not like the silicone implant. Not that I’ve ever felt a silicone implant so I wouldn’t know the difference. They report that the implant doesn’t appear to be a big lump so it would look more natural.

The fact that they look natural would probably end the catty fests women have when they see someone with fake boobs. I know it happens, I’ve heard it myself and at one point I was asked “Would you like that?” My answer was, “I don’t care if their real or not, I just want to play with them”. Needless to say, this answer would get me some stares, but I am a guy after all.

While boobs are one of my favorite topics (I’m sorry, I can’t help it), but I have to wonder; should scientist be doing stem cell research in order to better mankind instead of increasing the cup size of a woman’s breasts? Does this also mean that there are Japanese scientists doing stem cell research to increase the size of my “deal”?

This is Bush’s fault. While scientists in the U.S. are hampered in stem cell research, research that could produce the cures of Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson’s, Spinal Cord Injuries, but they have limited funding because Bush is busy catering to his Bible thumping friends. Meanwhile in Japan, they’re researching a way to make boobs bigger. It appears that they don’t have their priorities straight. Oh the other hand, I do like boobs.

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Oh and the Earth wasn't created in 7 days.

Is the Earth billions of year’s old or only six thousands years old? Any sane, educated person would say the Earth is billions of years old. Any sane and educated person would say that we evolved over millions of years, and yet why does the United States have groups of people who still claim that evolution is a fraud and that we all came from Adam and Eve? For a nation that used to be the leader in most forms of science, research and technology, it shocks me more and more how this country is falling behind because of this need to hold onto this belief.

I went to Catholic school and I was required to take religion as one of my classes. I remember something that my grade 8 teacher told me. He told me that the story of Adam and Eve was created to give us a sense of a beginning. That Adam and Eve didn’t exist in the way that it was written in The Bible. Basically we should not take it literally. I also remember having a conversation that same year with my science teacher about this and asked his view (remember, I went to a Catholic school), and he told be that the theory of evolution is correct, however things are too perfect and perhaps God has a hand in guiding out evolution. This is something that I have believed in my whole life. Personally I believe this is a good balance between the two set of beliefs.

Today I read the news story about some people who still believe that we have only been on Earth for six thousand years and that Adam and Eve were real? I keep asking myself, what is wrong with these people? Why are they clinging to this story as fact? What really troubles me is the fact that they are calling Darwin’s theories as lies and that he was delusional? So when are they going to burn him at the stake? Why are people from the 21^st century acting like people from the dark ages?

What I find amusing is that because of these people and how they cling to their beliefs, they as a result, they are starting to hold back innovation and research in the U.S. in such sciences as Stem cell research, and the poster boy for these people, George W Bush, is the reason why they are falling behind. Oh and before people start say saying it’s a Republican vs. Democrat thing, Nancy Reagan has been a large proponent of Stem Cell research for some time now.

While there are some people across the border who’s dedication towards these beliefs has lead them to question their sanity or their true intentions, I wouldn’t go as far as Chris Hedges, who feels that there is a small group of people who want to turn the US into a Christian Fascist state. It’s his arguments that make me feel, perhaps we should keep an eye on these guys.

Basically, if you want to believe in the boogieman, then go ahead, but don’t force the boogieman beliefs on me. Oh also, I’m keeping my eye on you people.

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The Clip of the Week (Just watch it !!)

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Photo Friday (I guess that's one way to prevent ...)

I still can't get over it

Did you hear? NASA has decided to review its psychological screening process used in the selection of astronauts. BIG SURPRISE!!!! Is this really news? I’m fact I would have been surprised if they didn’t do this. It’s either that or they put a big sign that says “WE ACCEPT LUNATICS”. Obviously something failed somewhere. Either that or we can blame Lisa’s nutfest on COSMIC RAY!!!

I wonder if that would be a possible “Your Honor. My client has been affected by cosmic rays when she was in space.” And then she would show off some strange power like the Fantastic Four. Hey, they did get their powers from cosmic rays when they were in space. LOOK IT UP.

What I want to know is what hole in the screening process allows for wacky people like Lisa to get through the process and go into space. Also what other astronauts are a little ‘odd’. This might explain why Alan Shepard peeing in his spacesuit, or maybe it was the fact that he was trapped in his space capsule without a bathroom; though NASA and even Lisa learned from that lesson. She was wearing an adult diaper when she was caught.

One other thing which I find amusing is that NASA has removed her from flight status for 30 day. Just 30 days? Will she have flight status granted when she’s in a padded cell? Somehow I doubt it. Maybe she can share a padded cell with that Runaway Bride woman. Right now I bet she’s thinking, “thank you, now I can pass the crazy woman crown over”.

Odds are next year there will be another crazy woman doing something and Lisa Nowak will be able to pass the crown over. It’s kind of like the Miss America pageant, only it’s for crazy woman, and every year the crown is moved onto a new person. Now we need a slide show of the crazy women of the past like Amy Fisher, Tonya Harding and Kathy Lee Gifford (ok she might not be a criminal but she is NUTS).

To be honest I feel really bad about Lisa Nowak situation. She had it all. Success, notoriety, the privilege to have gone into space and the respect of many people but now, she’s just another crazy person. It’s really sad.

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ARGHHH!!!!!!!!

I just discovered that The Shopping Channel has a live video streaming of their channel on the Internet. I feel so used. NOOO!!!!!!!

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Zombies brought me love

I was listing to last week’s Diggnation podcast and I learn an important life lesson. If you save a woman from a zombie attack, she will go out with you. NICE.!!! Since I’m moving anyway I’m going to move to a building with lots of hot single women, buy a shotgun and keep it by my door and wait for the zombies to show up.

It’s perfect. I don’t have to deal with the awkward meeting someone new, wondering if they really like me, trying to read all the little things. All I need to do is wait for the Zombies, charge in, BAM BAM, shot the zombies and voila, relationship. It couldn’t be earlier and if she gets annoyed at me, I just have stare out the window and say “I’m watching in case the zombies return”.

I did some asking around as well. “Me” agrees with me, that a man and a woman would get ‘real close’. Relationship and who knows from there. However Vics feels that all that would happen is some relief sex. Relief sex? Is relief sex really wild or subdued? Then again, isn’t any sex a good thing? Kill zombies and get laid? I’m starting to see the relationship between sex and violence.

Now all I need is a zombie infestation. Here Zombie Zombie Zombie.

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I don't get it.

There some things I can write about but it's not the right time to do it. At least not yet because I don't want to jinx anything.

I also read on the news about the astronaut who tried to kidnap and murder some woman who was in a love triangle with her and some other guy. I saw the mug shot and I wondered 'what the hell happened'? To go from being in space to an episode of Cops in less than a year....it makes no sense?

Now I know that women and men are wired differently (and don't claim that were not), but to have a career as an astronaut, to actually go into space, and then to throw it all away for some guy. I don't understand it. She has literately fallen from the stars into a jail cell; from a selected few to a common criminal. Can someone explain to me because I don't get it.

I've made many sacrifices in my life to be able to hold my head up high and say that I accomplished something. I have my degree, a career and so forth. It wasn't easy for me either. I had to give up any hope of a social life to get my degree. I went to classes in the AM and worked from 2:00pm to 10:00pm. Did my assignments and went to bed at midnight, then I woke up at 6:00am and repeated the process, and that's just a Bachelors of Science. Astronauts need far more education. They need to make far more sacrifices. They have to prove that they are the best of the best, and she threw it away for some guy. I don't get it.

Someone please tell me that this is not some woman thing. Tell me that this has something to do with the need to 'be with someone'. Someone please tell me that this person 'lost it' somehow.

Ironically I had no idea what to write about. The words just seemed to appear on the screen. I guess I'm still good at 'winging it'. However I just don't get it.

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The Clip of the Week

Fast Forward the first 2 minutes and enjoy.

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Photo Friday (This why why you should NEVER take candy from strangers)

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Time to explain yesterday.

Yesterday I basically exploded. This is what happened. The new landlord shows up at the door for the rent. After I give him my rent cheque, he gives me notice that the building will be undergoing major renovations and I have 3 months to move out. I'm being kicked out of my home.

Now Calgary is not what we call a 'renters' market. The vacany rate in this city is 1.6%. That is not a lot and rents keep getting higher and higher. I'm expecting to have to pay and addition $100-$200 a month for a decent 1 bedroom apartment. On top of that I need to find a place with a balcony facing south so I can still use my Satellite Dish. I will not give up my dish. The cable in this city is awful. So basically I have to move.

Now you know why I'm so annoyed.

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