Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I'm not "into" park benches

I’ve just realized that I haven’t written anything strange and perverted for sometime, and I think I’ve overdue, so you’ve been warned.

As a male, I understand the “urges” that we get. When you’re younger, these urges are stronger and stranger. I’ve remember having some of these nasty urges but I never (1), actually acted on any of these urges, (2) tried to have sex with a park bench. However I cannot say the same for this guy. Now I know there are some really strange people out there (and I’m not exactly normal myself), but it takes a special person to want to have sex with a park bench; a metal park bench.

So it appears that this guy was enjoying himself, so much so, that he became even more aroused. So aroused, that he became stuck inside one of the holes that he was using to please himself. I’m not sure how long he tried to solve himself, but eventually he did call the police for help. Oh did I mention that this was happening in a pubic park?

So the police show up, as well as EMS, and after many attempts to remove him from the bench, they have to take the bench apart, and bring him, and the bench to the hospital. There they managed to remove him from the bench. Also the doctors said that if he had waited longer, he probably would have lost his “buddy”.

Now, how hard up does a guy have to be in order the want to have sex with a bench? I’ve heard of different types of sexual preferences, but I’ve never met a parkbenchsexual. Now I can see a few benefits of being a parkbenchsexual. The dating pool is fairly open, and there’s no long term commitment if you want to “get it on”. Heck, you don’t even have to buy the bench dinner. Just drop your pants, and away you go. The problem is that he needs to settle one with one park bench, so that they’re comfortable with each other. That way there’s less likely to be an incident like that.

This also reminds me of s skit from The Onion Movie, where a guy gets his penis stuck in a mail slot. This then turns into a commercial where we have a guy saying “Have you ever gotten your penis stuck in a mailbox”, and they go on to talk about their service. They specialize in getting men’s penis’s stuck, and been doing it for many years.

Personally, I plan to “keep it in my pants”, no matter how hot that Ikea furniture looks.

My 2 Bytes.

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