Monday, June 14, 2010

I want more....does that mean I'm being selfish? I just want to talk.

I look at myself in the mirror now, and I see one problem resolved. My skin is clear. I look at my finances, and I see a light at the end of the hole I dug myself into. I look at my goal of getting my MBA in the next 5 years, and I might have another option for paying for it, other than student loan (which I REFUSE to do). I'm going to London next summer. Heck, I could have pulled it off this year except for not having enough holiday time. Now all I need to do is loose weight and learn how to talk.

The weight thing is obvious, but learning to talk? I know how to talk, it's just that I can't talk to people. Not in real life anyway. In real life, I'm really shy. I'm the type of person who can be alone in a crowded room. Ironically, I can talk to a crowd. I have no problems in public speaking but one on one with a stranger or even with a small group of friends...I'll always be the silent one. Sure, I'll try to say one thing or two, but other than that, I'm shutting up.

Is this holding me back? It might be. It's just that when I start talking to a stranger, I always think that they can see inside of me, and see my negative self image. I think they see the failure I perceive myself to be. I know I'm not a failure...compared to a lot of people out there, I've fairly successful, but inside all I see are the things I never did, like loose weight. I believe this is my final hurdle.

In case you didn't guess yet. I'm wining this post. I'm just typing and letting the words appear on the screen. Some people say that this is when I'm at my best. I'm not sure if that's true, but if other people say it, then I guess I believe them.

I have another friend who also has a weight problem, and she also has a self image problem. I told her that she has to love her as is, before making a change. Now if I could only follow my own advice. Maybe I'll have better luck after read those Dale Carnegie book that Olly recommend indirectly.

My 2 Bytes

1 comment:

Olly said...

The weight thing, ugh... and summer is coming. I have been doing pretty good so far - lost 5 pounds in two weeks, but would be happy if I could loose 25 more. Until my second child I could eat circles around people and not gain. I have never smoked or had any other bad habits, so having to restrict myself is kinda foreign to me. It sucks!

I'm the type of person who could strike up a conversation with just about anyone/anywhere. Sadly, I work from home and the most conversation is usually making collection calls, lol. Of course, people avoid me if they owe me money. Getting out of the house, even to get a few groceries, is sometimes the highlight of my day. How sad is that?