Boss, I'm not coming in because...

Alright its January and I realized that I have sick days again. WOO HOO. I have 5 sick days to use and when I need them I will use them. Oh, did I mention that being sick has nothing to do with using a sick day. Actually I'm wrong; using a sick day is ok. Even when not you're not sick because I'M SICK OF WORK.

Of course to call in sick, you need an excuse as to why and the same excuses don't always work. They tend to wear out eventually however I do have a list of some I found, some I used and some that I need to use just because.

I have the clap.

I have explosive diarrhea.

I was sprayed by a skunk.

I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.

My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.

I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.

I forgot to come back to work after lunch.

I couldn't find my shoes.

I pulled my groin

I hurt myself bowling.

I was spit on by a venomous snake.

I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.

A hitman was looking for me.

My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.

I eloped.

I'm too lazy to work.

I'm too stupid to work

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.

My cat unplugged my alarm clock.

I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.

I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India.

I forgot what day of the week it was.

Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.

A tree fell on my car.

My monkey died.

I can't find my clothes but if I manage to find my way home then I should be ok.

If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

And my personal Favorite

I prefer to remain an enigma.

Now I have some days available and if/when I use them (who am I kidding, I'm impressed that I haven't used one already) they will be for health reasons, physical or mental health.

Sometimes even God wants you to take a day off. One day I swear I literally spend an hour looking for my keys and by the time I found them, I knew that I was going to be late and I said "OK I'm sick, I get the message God and spend the day playing video games, ordered Pizza and watched Oprah. Hey Oprah and Grand Theft Auto is a good mix.

Anyway I'm looking forward to using my sick days in one form or another and taking some time to enjoy life this year. Ferris Bueller took a day off now and then and I intend to as well.

My 2 bytes